When Amber was about 4 years old, Robyn and I were
co-pastoring 2 churches South of Waterloo.
One morning she had toast and grape juice with her breakfast. We were
all sitting there, and she started dipping her bread in her grape juice and
eating it saying, “body of Christ.” That might have been weird for any other
kid but being brought up in a parsonage and often seeing mom and dad serve
communion it was natural for her to imitate us.
Richie, on the other hand, apparently was more interested in
watching us clean house so he developed an uncanny nose for the broom closet
wherever we went. He was just a little guy, but he would find a broom and make
himself at home sweeping the floor.
My dad
was a mechanic when I was young. I remember my brother and me “fixing” our
bikes over and over and over. We were imitating dad.
There was a famous experiment called the Bo-Bo doll
experiment. Researchers discovered that children treated the inflatable doll
they called “BO-BO” the same way the adults did. Children who watched an adult
become aggressive with the beat up the doll. Children who watched adults treat
the doll kindly did the same.
Children are not the only ones who learn from modeling.
There’s the old story about the woman who cut off the end of
the ham before he baked it. When her daughter asked why, she said, “I don’t
know, that’s how my mom did it.” When the girl checked with grandma, she said
the same thing. Finally, the girl talked to great grandma and asked why she cut
the end of the ham before cooking it. The answer was simple. Great-grandma
said, “Because I only had a small pan and that’s the only way it would fit.”
Much of what we learn we learn by watching someone who is important to us model
the behavior.
Steve DeVore has built a multi-million-dollar company out of
role modeling. When DeVore was in college, he happened to watch a bowling
tournament on television. As he paid close attention to the movements of the
bowlers, the thought struck him that if he could do exactly as they did, he
could probably achieve the same results. After watching the bowlers closely for
thirty minutes, he got in his car and drove to the local bowling alley. He got
an alley, picked out a ball, and for the next thirty minutes he did exactly as
the professional bowlers had done on TV. He threw nine straight strikes and
recorded a score of 278. His highest score up to that point was 163. By copying
a proficient role model, he improved his performance by 115 pins. (Your results
may vary, I’m pretty sure mine would.) But the key was to do it exactly as the
pros he had watched. His company is called Sybervision and they produce and
sell instructional video and audio tapes on everything from golf to skiing to
weight control.
With all of that in
mind I want to ask you a question. If
your life was an instructional video and everyone watched it as closely as
Amber watched us, or we watched my dad, or Mike DeVore watched the bowlers, and
then they did exactly as you do, What kind of place would the world be?
Would you want to live in that world?
Maybe more
importantly for our series on the building blocks of Christian families is, if
everyone in your family studied the video and became a “mini you” … would you
want to live in the same house with them?
If not… maybe you
better think about the life you are modeling for your family.
Our series of sermons on the building blocks of Christian
families continues this week as we talk about the importance of modeling. Last
week we talked about our words and the power of listening. Novelist James
Baldwin once said, however, that “Children have never been good at listening to
their elders, but they have never failed to imitate them.” I would add for good or for ill. And I would
add it is not just children. We all learn from those around us. We learn what
words are OK and how to handle emotions like anger or frustration. We learn how
to be a parent doing as our parents did (or sometimes doing the opposite and we
learn what is important in life by watching our grandparents.
You know that DNA inside of us is a major factor in
determining who we are, but the role models that surround us is just as
important. It is the old nature versus
nurture argument. And the final answer
to that argument is YES both nature (the way we are born) and nurture (the
experiences we have) make us who we are. When I talk about role modeling, I am
talking about understanding that what we do is shaping the lives of those
around us, especially anyone who looks up to us, such as children and youth.
Some parents have leaned on Proverbs 22, that we read this
morning. “Train children in the right way, and when old, they will not stray ”
We should all know better than to take that at face value, I hope. Ask Joan
Becker whose son, Mark, murdered Coach Ed Thomas. No, Proverbs is not a
guarantee, it is an observation that our children are likely to do as we do.
1. For more specifics we turn to Deuteronomy
11:18-21 which we used several weeks ago, “So commit yourselves wholeheartedly
to these words of mine” The Hebrews believed the heart was the seat of our
action. Wholeheartedly, then, means your whole life, from beginning to end,
inside to outside, top to bottom
2. “Tie them to your hands and wear them on
your forehead as reminders.” These are external signs, that remind us that
people are watching. Like when I wore my nametag into subway this week, I was
aware that the way I treated the lady behind the counter would reflect on all
of us.
3. “Teach them to your children. and your spouse
and your partner, and your siblings, and your foster parents, and your whoever
is in your family. Teach the way of God to everyone you encounter and the best
way to teach is using your life as a visual aid.
4. “Talk about them when you are at home and
when you are on the road, when you are going to bed and when you are getting
up.” Modeling is a 24 hour – 7 days a
week job. There is always someone watching. I don’t mean that in a creepy way,
just that there are no coffee breaks in being a Christian role model.
The new testament is clear that our actions speak loudly to
others. Paul calls us ambassadors for Christ, 1 John tells us to love others
because God has first loved us. The great commission, Pentecost. Jesus tells us
to take up your cross and do as I do. He tells us that he is the vine and we
are the branches. And the list could go
on and on.
These images are interesting because if you dig behind the
various Greek words often translated as “example” we see some interesting
things. One is a scientific term that basically calls us specimens of God’s
kingdom. Another Greek word has to do with shadows. That we are to be shadows
of Christ doing exactly as he does. Another means stamped… Kind of like we are
all cut out of the Jesus shaped cookie cutter.
And finally, another means to write under. We are to practice being
Christlike by “writing under” him like a child practices penmanship by copying
the example letters from one line to the line below.
As neat as those word
pictures are, the image for Christian modeling that caught my imagination was
being “the light of the world” that we read this morning. Jesus says, “You are
the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do
people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead, they put it on its stand,
and it gives light to everyone in the house.”
We could translate that everyone in the family.
Do you cast a bright light in your house and to your family,
or do you cast only a shadow of darkness that brings everyone down?
Do you cast enough light from your life that others can see
their way, or do they have to stumble in the dark making their own mistakes?
Do you keep your light under a bowl and only bring it out on
Sunday? (Saturday)
A children’s Sunday school teacher asked the class, “Why do
you love God?” There were several different answers, but the best came from a
little boy who said, “I guess it just runs in the family.”
Does being the light of the world run in your family?
Does loving God run in your family?
Does forgiveness
shine brightly in your house?
Is everyone allowed to make a mistake, and then have second
and third chances?
Being a role model in the family means that we are to teach
forgiveness, by forgiving. We are to teach kindness by being kind. We are to
teach compassion by being compassionate. We are to teach honesty by being
honest. We are to teach generosity by being generous. We are to teach
tenderness by being tender. We are to teach God’s Word by living it in our
lives. In other words, we are to teach each other what it means to be Christian
by example.
How we behave on the way home from church is as crucial as
how we act in church. How we act on the job is just as important as how we act
in the Sunday school classroom. How we act in front of the TV is just as
important as how we act in front of the preacher. How we act in front of the TV
when someone else wants to watch a different program – well, you get the
picture.
Common sense, simple observation, and psychological research
show that If one person in the family smokes others are more likely to smoke.
If one person in the family is abusing alcohol or drugs, others are more likely
to do the same. People who grow up in homes that experience frequent domestic
violence are more likely to solve their problems with violence and abuse their
families too.
But there is another side.
On the other hand, people also repeat positive behaviors
they see in the family. Multiple generations of the same family enter the same
profession: law enforcement, firefighting, medicine, law, teaching, farming,
etc. Families that tend to have healthy self-esteem tend to make people more
confident. Once a family has one person graduate from high school or get a
college diploma it lights a lamp in the family room and school becomes much
more important to everyone. If the parents believe spending time together is important
so will the children (until they are teenagers, but we can talk about
adolescent development another time.) If they see parents forgive one another
they will forgive.
The good thing is, as we try to live into being a role model
for others we become better people ourselves. Meryl Streep said, “Being a role
model is equal parts being who you actually are and who you hope to be.”
No matter your age or your place in the family your behavior
either lights a lamp in the family or sucks the light out of the room. Every
one of you has a crucial role in modeling the Christian faith for others in
your family.
Modeling is an
everyday priority. But next week we want to give everyone a chance to spread
some light.
We have planned a Sunday of service for next week. Why?
Because children learn from parents, parents learn from children,
siblings learn from siblings, partners learn from partners, people of the
church learn from other people of the church, and the community learns by
seeing the church be the church. Next
Sunday instead of just coming to church we want you to go out and be the
church.
We want our children to see the church serving, loving,
helping, and just generally being the church. We want the children to see
people of all ages and family configurations coming together to make a
difference as they go out to change the world one person at a time. We want
parents to catch the joy of serving from their children. We want brothers and
sisters to learn what it means to work together again. We want new members and
long-timers to work alongside each other so they can learn from each other. We
want the church to be the light to the world, so everyone will see Jesus in our
action: our children, parents, siblings, each other and the community… as we
serve together next Sunday morning.
Come at 9:30 for a brief worship time. Then, at 10:00 we
want everyone who will to go shine your light. Summer has been collecting jobs
for you, so you just sign up. There are jobs available for every age and
ability. There are jobs planned for whole families to participate. There are
jobs sitting here at the church for those who are less mobile. Stay at your job as long as you like. Most
will last between an hour and 2 hours.
Let me be honest. When the pastor goes to annual conference
I know that many of you consider that an optional Sunday. You might consider
the Sunday of service an optional Sunday. Personally, I see it as one of the
most important Sunday of the year. But whatever you decide: Remember little
eyes are watching to see whether we will put our time where our mouths
are. We can talk about outreach and service
until we are blue in the face, but it means very little until we actually do
it.
Let your light so shine before your family, your church, and
your community that God’s love will be seen like a bright beacon Next Sunday
and every day that you live for Jesus.
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