Give up something bad for Lent #5

Give up something bad for Lent #5

March 17, 2013

RUMC

 

We have spent 5 weeks talking about some bad habits that might keep us from being the people God wants us to be. 

·        We have talked about habits of attitude like apathy and procrastination

·        We have talked about habits of the mouth like lying and evil speaking

·        We talked about what I'll call habits of the mind pointed outward at other people- the ones that come from your gut like anger, bitterness, and wrath.

·        We talked about habits of the mind pointed inward at ourselves like, distorted thinking, discouragement, and self-pity.

·        We talked about habits of the desires like envy, jealousy and greed.

·        Next week we will talk about the habit of the ego- pride. 

I know we have not hit every bad habit.  That would take a lifetime, but I have tried to cover the big categories: attitudes, mouth, mind, desires, the ego.  There is one more that I think we have to cover … the bad habit of the heart.  I am talking about LUST. 

Lust is a deep desire for something that is not yours.  Although one can lust for knowledge, money, or anything else, lust is commonly considered a sexual sin.

We don't preach about lust very much.  Maybe that's because in our sexually liberated society it has become the norm.  Perhaps it is because it makes us uncomfortable.  The Bible does not avoid the subject though.  The Bible has several stories of lust and the consequences of being controlled by sexual urges.

·        The most famous might be David and Bathsheba.  We could also name

·        Sodom and Gomorrah,

·        Lot and his daughters who had sex with him,

·        Potiphar's wife and Joseph,

·        Samson and his weakness for the ladies,

·        Solomon and his many wives and there are more.

 

The Bible does not teach that sexuality is bad.  On the contrary it teaches that from the very beginning God created us sexual beings and blessed us in our sexuality saying "be fruitful and multiply.[1]" Sexuality is a very good gift from God.  Like many other gifts, however, we are prone to abuse it.  Look at it this way…

·        Just because God gave us teeth doesn't mean it is OK to be a glutton.

·        Just because God gave us a tongue doesn't mean it is OK to lie.

·        Just because God gave us the ability to invent weapons doesn't mean it is OK to kill.

·        Just because God gave us eyes, doesn't make envy acceptable.

·        Just because God gave us sex organs, doesn't mean it is OK to use them indiscriminately.

One of the reasons so many people struggle with lust is that we live in a hyper-sexualized culture.  And that confuses people.

The story goes that when a preacher was getting ready to preach on lust he received a message on his answering machine.  It said, "Pastor, my wife and I are sitting outside the Church trying to decide whether or not to come to Church on Sunday.  The sign says you are preaching on Lust.  Is that a virtue or a vice?"

If we were just talking about confusion, it would be a little funnier.  The truth is that lust and sexual immorality is scary, because people are being hurt, the institution of marriage is crumbling, and lives are being destroyed.  Why the confusion?  I'll tell you…

·        When sex is used to sell everything in the world,

·         When sex is used to motivate,

·         and entice

·        and profit;

·        when sex is glorified in one scene and

·        cheapened in another, when it is

·        plastered all over the internet,

·        when we teach our children how to have safe sex- which translated means casual sex without commitment or consequences,

·        When we live in an "everything goes" and "we must be tolerant of everything" culture… no one knows what to think.

Let me tell you what the Bible thinks.  The Bible teaches that sex is only appropriate in the context of a committed and loving relationship called marriage.  I know that is unpopular, but that is all the more reason for me to say it.  I'll say it again.  Sex is only appropriate in the context of a committed and loving relationship called marriage. 

Lust is by definition outside the bonds of marriage.  It is destructive to our hearts, our relationships, our families and our culture.  That is why Jesus comes down so hard on Lust.  

In fact it seems like he goes a little too far, doesn't it?  Jesus says that lusting is just as bad as committing adultery.  That's a little extreme isn't it?

Well, let's back up and understand what is happening in the larger picture.

How can a thought be as bad as acting on it?  Because the action is only the last step in the sin- it is the one we can see, but a lot has to happen first.

That is where James comes in.  He explains that there is a process.  "One is tempted by one's own desire, being lured and enticed by it; then, when that desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin, and that sin, when it is fully grown, gives birth to death."  In other words every sinful action has its roots in a thought- since the thought leads to the sinful action, the thought is just as bad as the action. 

Do you notice that this is the same process what we have used to describe habits for several weeks?  Every habit is a process.  Trigger, behavior, reward.  .We can't attack just the behavior; we have to understand the trigger to which that bad habit is attached. 

James and Jesus are saying the same thing, we can't just attack sinful behavior.  We have to understand the triggers to which that behavior is attached.  We have to understand that sin does not start in our teeth, or our tongue, or our killing, or our private parts.  Sin starts in the mind with our thoughts and desires. 

That's what I have been teaching you about habits.[2]  

·        Whether you are trying to give up lust, which might be manifest in outright adultery, or in an obsession with a person with whom you are not married and certainly are not in love, or it might be an addiction to internet porn, or phone porn, or sexting.

·        Whether you are trying to give up lying,

·         or evil speaking,

·        or envy or

·        procrastination, or

·        anger, or

·        cussing or

·        smoking or

·        any other bad behavior… we have to

First, understand the trigger- what is happening just before we are tempted, or just before we backslide.

Second, we have to understand the reward.  What do you get out of that habit?  Do you remember that we spent two weeks trying to identify the triggers and rewards for the bad behaviors we want to give up?

Third, we talked about the golden rule of habit change: YOU CAN NEVER TRULY EXTINGUISH BAD HABITS.  RATHER, TO CHANGE A HABIT, YOU MUST KEEP THE OLD CUE, AND DELIVER THE OLD REWARD, BUT OVERLAY A NEW ROUTINE.[3]  Remember Tony Dungy? Find a new routine and practice it until it becomes a habit.

Today I want to add the 4^th and final key to giving up something bad for Lent.  (in Charles Duhig's words,) "For a habit to stay changed, people must believe change is possible.[4]"

We can identify the trigger.  We may be able to identify the reward.  We can dream up new action to lay over the top of the old action.  We can practice it until that new behavior becomes automatic.

But if you don't believe that real change is possible.  You'll soon be right back where you started.

·        If you are locked in to your habit and you can't see the light of day, you can't see that you could ever get out, you won't. 

·        If you are so bound by your bad behavior that you can't even imagine making a small change in your life, you won't. 

·         If you are so blinded to the damage you are doing to yourself and others, that you don't see the need for change, you won't. 

So, you think God believes we can change.  Absolutely. 

·        Repent means to change.  God is all about repentance.

·        Redemption means to change.  God is all about redemption.

·        Sanctification is all about change from that which is fleshly to that which is holy.  God is Holy and is all about making us holy too.

 

You can change.  Believe it, envision it, go for it.

·        Do you believe that God changed Abraham from a wandering misfit to the father of a great nation?  God is a god of change.

·        Do you believe that God led the people out and changed them from slaves to his chosen people.

·        Do you believe that God took a puny shepherd boy and turned him into a great king? 

·        Do you believe that God took stinky fishermen and turned them into disciples?

·        In the cross, humanity said, nothing can change here.  Nothing can change… in the empty tomb, God said "Oh yes it can."  And he proved it once and for all.  

God believes that you can change… how about you? 

I am not saying it is easy…but with God's help, you can do it.

A man who struggled with the temptations of lust made a commitment to God and a new way of life.  He soon found out that it is not easy to abandon the lusts of the flesh.  Several months later he ran into his minister who asked him, "How's it been going?"

"It's been going awful," the new convert replied.  "It's like two teams of horses pulling away at my soul.  One team is pulling in one direction trying to get me to do what God wants and the other team is pulling in the opposite direction trying to get me to do the wrong things."

His pastor asked, "Which team wins?"

The other fellow replied, "The one I say giddy up to!"

 

        To what are you saying "Giddy up?"

 

AMEN

 

---

[1] Genesis 1:28

[2] Duhigg, Charles (2012-02-28). The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do in Life and Business . Random House, Inc.. Kindle Edition. book.

 

[3] ibid

[4] ibid

Give up something bad for Lent #4

Give up something bad for Lent #4

RUMC

3/3/13

 

WHY DO THESE THINGS ALWAYS HAPPEN TO ME?

That's what Jacob was asking.  "YOU HAVE DEPRIVED ME OF MY CHILDREN, JOSEPH, AND SIMEON.  NOW YOU WANT TO TAKE BENJAMIN.  EVERYTHING IS AGAINST ME!"

 

Wait a minute.  Let's back up.  We started this story last week with the story of Jacob's favorite son, Joseph, and the fancy coat that Jacob gave to him.  Do you remember how envious the brothers were?  They were so jealous, that they threw him in a cistern and sold him into slavery, telling Jacob that his favorite son was dead.

13 years later, Joseph was in charge of all the grain bins in Egypt and started preparing for a great famine.  In the second year of the famine, things got so bad in Israel that Jacob sent his sons to Egypt to get grain so they would not starve.  What we read today is the report that the brothers brought back to Jacob and his response.

They tell Jacob that they found the guy in charge of the grain.  (They still didn't realize it was their brother Joseph)  He gave them grain to bring home so now everyone can eat.  They just have to make a trip back with little brother Benjamin to prove their identity and retrieve Simeon who was left as collateral.  About that time, they discover that the silver they had given the man in Egypt to pay for the grain had been placed back in their luggage.  In other words, he gave them the grain for free. 

We know that the truth is that God had been looking out for them. 

Jacob doesn't see it that way.  In fact, Jacob jumps to conclusions, and they are all negative.  He says,

·        "Why do these things always happen to me?"

·         I am hungry from famine, my sons have apparently stolen grain from Pharaoh,

·        Joseph is dead,

·        Simeon will probably die in Egypt,

·        And now they want to take Benjamin away from me Why me???

 Do you know Murphy's Law, "If anything can go wrong it will."  Jacob was a big believer in Murphy's Law, and Jacob's corollary is, and "whenever anything goes wrong, Jacob gets the short end of the stick."

 

You don't ever feel that way, do you?  Chances are you do sometimes. 

·        Call it pessimism,

·        Call it cynicism,

·        Call it negativity,

·        Call it gloominess. 

·        Call it what you want, but I call it negative thinking.

I figure I get to call it what I want because on this topic, I am an expert.  I don't know everything there is to know about the Bible or pastoral care.  I am not an expert on faith, but I am a world-class expert on negative thinking.  I am not bragging.  I am just being honest because I have been an avid practitioner for 37 years.  I know that if I could give up one bad thing that would make the most difference in my life, it would be my pattern of negative thinking.  However, it is hard.  I have been trying to reprogram my thought patterns for 20 of those 37 years now.  Unfortunately, most days I still can't say I am winning that battle. 

See if any of this sounds familiar:

·        You might be having a fine day, but one bad thing happens and in your head, the one bad thing just seems to cover up all the good.

·        Or when you imagine your future, do you imagine that everything has gone right, or that everything that can go wrong has?

·        Do you find yourself thinking phrases like "I always," or "She never?"  Always and never are pretty extreme aren't they?  And they are rarely accurate.

·        If someone doesn't return your phone call, do you assume that they forgot, or do you jump to the conclusion that they are mad at you or avoiding you?

·        If something goes wrong, is your first instinct to blame yourself.

Those are all classic examples of negative thinking.

Do you see it in Jacob?  >>>

·        As soon as he heard Simeon had been left in Egypt, he jumped to the conclusion that he was dead.

·        Jacob filtered out the fact that we would not starve now and moaned, "Joseph is dead.  Simeon is dead.  Everything is against me!"

·        Jacob said, "No.  You cannot take my son down there with you.  His brother, Joseph, is dead, and Benjamin is all I have left."  What about the nine sons standing in front of him?

There are two simple mental and Spiritual laws about our thoughts!

1.     The law of Concentration is simply: what you think about Proverbs 23:7, "For as he thinks in his heart, so is he."  If you think about it, if you concentrate on it, you will become it.  Think negatively and… well you know.

2.     The other law is the law of substitution: From Romans 12:2. "Be transformed by the renewing of your mind."  Change your mind and change your life.  If you replace those negative thoughts with positive ones, your life will be aimed in a different direction.  Think positively and, well you know.

This is exactly what we need to do with our habits whatever they are.  If you are trying to give up evil speaking, or lying, or envy or greed, or if you are trying to give up overeating, or cussing or whatever bad behavior you want to give up for Lent, the key is to replace the bad habits with good ones. 

Remember two weeks ago, we talked about what triggers your habitual behavior.

Last week we talked about the payoff for your bad behavior.  Did you identify the payoff?  It might not be as simple and obvious as you first thought, but if you can identify your payoff, you'll be a long way ahead in tackling the habit. 

This week I want to share with you the golden rule of habit change: YOU CAN NEVER TRULY EXTINGUISH BAD HABITS.  (THEY ARE PERMANENTLY HARD WIRED INTO OUR BRAINS.)  RATHER, TO CHANGE A HABIT, YOU MUST KEEP THE OLD CUE, AND DELIVER THE OLD REWARD, BUT INSERT A NEW ROUTINE.  Almost any behavior can be transformed if the cue and reward stay the same.  The Golden Rule has influenced treatments for alcoholism, obesity, obsessive-compulsive disorders, and hundreds of other destructive behaviors, and understanding it can help us change our habits too.

 

Let me give you an example. 

Tony Dungy, who set the record for the most consecutive playoff appearances by an NFL coach and became the first black coach to win the super bowl, understood triggers and rewards as he worked with his Indianapolis Colts. 

He knew that these experienced professional players had developed habits that kicked in when they played.  Many were good habits.  That's why they were in the NFL.  Others didn't serve them so well.  That's why they were stuck with the looser Colts rather than the Bears or a top end team. 

"Dungy's coaching strategy embodied (the) Golden Rule of habit change: keep the old cue, and deliver the old reward, but insert a new routine. 

Dungy spent hours and hours in practice developing habits that would work.  "When you see the lineman's foot pointing this way, this is what you do.  Now practice that until it is automatic."  "  When you see the quarterback look this way, this is what you do.  Now practice that until it becomes automatic."

Would you believe, it worked?  On February 4, 2007, Dungy and the Colts won Super Bowl 41, 29–17 over the Bears.  They did it by using the golden rule of habit change: substituting productive habits for less productive ones.

 

It also works in Alcoholics Anonymous.  AA doesn't attack the neurology or biochemistry of addiction.  AA works because they try to develop new habitual actions.  They say "Go to 99 meetings in 99 days" start a new habit.  They say, "Instead of reaching for the bottle reach for the phone and call your sponsor."  Start a new habit.  And it works!  For millions of people at the end of their ropes, it works. 

 

If it works for the Indianapolis Colts, if it works for hard-core alcoholics, it will work for you too.  What do you need to do?  Look at your trigger and look at your reward.  Ask yourself what alternative behavior can I initiate when the trigger happens- that will produce the same reward?

·        Say you want to break the habit of eating a donut in the middle of the morning.  Maybe the trigger is 9:30 on the clock.  The reward is an opportunity to stretch and move about for a few minutes before you hunch over your computer for another 2 hours.  As long as the donut is not the reward, you can substitute anything that will give you the opportunity to gain the reward, in this case- to get up and stretch.  Take a walk, eat a carrot, or spend a few minutes visiting with a co-worker.  Just develop that new habit on top of the old.

·        Say your habit is cussing.  The trigger is frustration; the reward is intimidating others to get your own way.  Instead of flying off the handle, substitute a simple question.  "Why do you think your idea is better?"  That gives you time to answer the same question.  Then together you can come up with the best plan.

·        If the habit is playing video games, the trigger might be sitting at the computer without a specific task to do like email or on line banking.  The reward is mental stimulation.  Couldn't you decide to plan something stimulating to do after your computer chores?  Plan to read a book or go for a walk or heaven forbid, spend time in devotions.  Then do it.  Pretty quick, you have a new habit.

 

See how that works?  It's not very complicated.  Keep the trigger, keep the reward, and substitute a new behavior.  Remember, however, what we have been saying every week.  If you could have done this by yourself… what is it???<You already would have done it>>

So don't try to do it alone.  Offer your old habit to God.  Offer your new habit to God.  And pray for God's help.   

That's the good news.  As Christians our lives are not our own.  We are not alone in trying to fight our bad habits and develop new ones.  Romans 12:2 gives us the reminder and assurance we need.

Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your minds.

Do not be conformed to (the habits of) this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your minds.

Do not be conformed to (the bad behaviors of) this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your minds.

By the power of God, by the transformative power of the holy spirit in your lives Be transformed by the renewing of your minds.