Modern family #3
Forgiveness
8/29/21
Carroll FUMC Pastor Terry Plocher
My
little brother and I were in our back yard in Lakewood, Colorado. We were
playing with a baseball bat and a ball, just the two of us. I don’t remember
why I was close to him. But next thing I know my eyebrow was on the business
end of a baseball bat.
5
or 6 stitches later and I was not as good as new. That was OK because I had
this scar: a badge of honor to hold over Orrin’s guilty little head.
I
forgave my brother Long ago, as if an accident really requires forgiveness.
Most
of the time when one family member hurts another it doesn’t involve stitches or
blood. Usually, it is words which can leave bigger scars than any baseball bat.
Often a person is let down by our action or failure to act. Sometimes it has to
do with a parent’s favoritism or sibling rivalry.
Whatever
the source, being hurt by family members can leave a bad emotional scar.
Logically, it seems like those to whom we are closest should receive
forgiveness the quickest. It does not work that way. sometimes it is those who
are closest to us, who haver the role of protecting us, in whom we placed the
most trust, with whom we've been most vulnerable, whose affection we treasure
the most, and whom we love the most that we have the hardest time forgiving.
We
need to recognize that sometimes the harm done is intentional, and even
criminal. I can't imagine the pain of being betrayed by an abusive family
member. Unfortunately, through the years, I have known many people who have
been emotionally crippled by the damage of abuse. The loss of trust, the
struggle for intimacy, and the difficulty trusting again make it particularly
hard to forgive. Relationships become complicated by elapsed time, by blocked
memories, by a strong denial that does not want to admit that someone we love
could hurt us so badly. I just want to say, if you are struggling with the
scars of abuse, I am so sorry. And please know that I understand that your
struggle with forgiveness may be quite different, but at least is more
complicated than most cases of forgiveness. I don’t intend anything I am saying
to minimize you or your struggle.
Whatever
the cause of the injury, forgiveness in the family is a major issue for many
people. If you listen carefully, you'll find several people in this congregation
and in our community who have a real struggle with forgiving a family member.
The
need for forgiveness in the family is nothing new. Remember two weeks ago I was
talking about Joseph and his brothers. Joseph was the youngest and dad's
favorite. One day the older brothers were tending the sheep in the pasture and
Joseph was coming toward them. As the older boys saw him approaching, they
cooked up a scheme to teach him a lesson. Stripping him and throwing him into a
pit seems like a fitting punishment for the smart aleck little brother. They might
have quit there if greed didn’t consume them. Some Midianite traders were
willing to buy Joseph and the brothers sold Joseph Into slavery.
The
years that followed had their ups and downs for Joseph. Being sold to the
household of the Pharaoh of Egypt was good. Spending time in his jail was bad.
Being promoted in Pharoah’s household was good. Being wrongly accused of sexual
assault by Potiphar’s wife was bad. Being named second in charge of the county was
good. You see just a roller coaster.
You
can only imagine how, especially in the difficult times, Joseph might seethe
with anger toward his brothers, how he might resent them, how he could have plotted
to get even with them. You might think that, but you would be wrong. I’m sure
there were moments of resentment, but Joseph rose high above that.
22
years after being sold into slavery there was a great famine in the land, but
Joseph had been shrewd enough to make sure Egypt was prepared and even had enough
grain to share with others. That is when Josephs brothers appeared before him
asking for grain to feed their family including Joseph’s own father Jacob
They
didn’t recognize Joseph. He recognized them, and played a few ticks on them,
but not in a way that hurt any if them, and to be truly mean.
In
today’s scripture Joseph couldn’t stand it any longer. He sends everyone else
from the room and calls his brothers forward to reveal who he is. Do you think
his brothers were a little scared? They should have been. Joseph had the power
to do whatever he wanted to them… maybe 100-fold more than they had done to
him.
But
no. Joseph Weeps and says, “You
intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now
being done, the saving of many lives.”
I’ll
be the first to admit that Joseph is a bigger person than I might have been. Even
if we forgive, we tend to hold back on the trust, just a little. Can you blame
me for not standing by Orrin when he has a bat?
Joseph
went one step further. He not only forgave, but he also invited them to live in
Gaza and promised he would take care of them. That is forgiveness in action. The
only explanation offered, and perhaps the only one necessary, is spoken by
Joseph in chapter 50” You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is
now being done, the saving of many lives.”
That is the last we hear of the brother’s
mistreatment of Joseph. It never comes up again I the Bible. Joseph manages to
completely forgive them and start over.
I have seen siblings unable forgive what seems
like trivial offenses, compared to Joseph’s story. I have seen parents and
children separated by a huge gulf of grudge over something almost too
insignificant to mention. I have seen families who have been feuding for so
long, like the Hatfield and McCoys, no one remembers why they are feuding or
who started it.
What is different? Why is Joseph’s story different?
Let me suggest a couple of things.
FIRST, JOSEPH SEEMMS TO UNDERSTAND BETTER THAN
MOST THAT FORGIVENESS IS A HUGE PART OF GOD’S PLAN.
Geneses 1 and 2 set the stage. From the
beginning, God wants to be in relationship. God wants more than anything else,
to have people voluntarily love God. Sin, of course was not part of the
original plan, but God was not about to let sin, or human weakness, or human
pride stand between God and God’s people. Forgiveness was invented out of
necessity along with clothes, and farming and after Adam and Eve had their
illicit breakfast.
God’s only alternative was to wipe the
whiteboard of creation clean including destroying humanity and go back to the drawing
board. In fact, In the later parts of Genesis, God was so sorry he created
humanity that is exactly what Noah and the flood was all about. A Clean start. Before
it was over, God promised never to do that again, and sealed the promise with a
rainbow. Sin was still real with Noah
and his children, so God was in the forgiving business again
Jesus came as God’s forgiveness in skin to make
God’s love and forgiveness real in a way we had never seen it before. So, you
see FORGIVENESS IS A HUGE PART GOD AND A HUGE PART OF THE STORY OF GOD AND
HUMANITY
SECOND,
BEING CREATED IN THE IMAGE OF THE GOD OF FORGIVENESS, FORGIVENESS IS A BIG PART
OF BEING HUMAN. We are created with the heart of love we are seeking loving
relationship just like God. And we pay the price in broken hearts and disappointments
Just like God. Forgiveness is part of
who we are created to be. It is not natural for us to hold grudges. I have said
before that a grudge is like drinking rat poison and expecting someone else to
die.
Jesus
goes so far as to say, “If you enter your place of worship
and, about to make an offering, you suddenly remember a grudge a friend has
against you, abandon your offering, leave immediately, go to this friend and
make things right. Then and only then, come back and work things out with God.”
(MSG) Whether we are the forgiver or the forgive-ee, Jesus is clear that
unforgiveness is not only bad for us, and our human relationships. It is bad
for our relationship with God.
The
Lord’s prayer says it boldly “Forgive us our trespasses… as we forgive those
who trespass against us.” See? What is at stake?
We
need forgiveness from God and others whom we harm. Our forgiveness, however, is dependent on us
being forgivers. And that includes those who are closest to us, like our
family. TO BE HUMAN IS TO NEED FORGIVENESS.
BUT IT EQUALLY TRUE THAT TO BE HUMAN MEANS TO FORGIVE OTHERS.
Finally,
IT IS NEVER TOO LATE TO FORGIVE. ON THE OTHER HAND, IT IS NEVER TOO EARLY.
22
years is a long time for Joseph to forgive. Broken hearts and relationships can
go unforgiven and unhealed for a long time
22 years, in this case, has given Joseph some
perspective. When he reveals his identity to his brothers he said, “Do not
be distressed and do not be angry with yourselves for selling me here, because
it was to save lives that God sent me ahead of you…It was not you who sent me
here, but God” (Genesis 45:5, 8). After this, Joseph reassures his
brothers, offering them forgiveness saying, “You intended to harm me, but
God intended it for good” (Genesis 50:20). Joseph had the advantage of
years of perspective as he forgave his brothers. Sometimes forgiveness takes
years.
On the other hand, Ephesians 4:26 says famously
“Do not let the sun go down on your anger.” Don’t let it grow. Don’t let it fester.
Don’t let your anger go for 22 years.
Bottom line the time to forgive is as soon as
you can. 22 years is ok, 2 years would be better. 2 days or 2 hours would even
be better. Regardless of when the injury occurred, now is the time to let go
and free yourself from the prison of unforgiveness by forgiving.
Remember forgiveness is not dependent on the
other person being sorry or asking for forgiveness. It is not even dependent on
them acknowledging or understanding that they did anything wrong. If you
forgive, will be the one who will get their life back. And you may set someone you love free to live
as well. FORGIVE NOW BECAUSE IT IS NEVER TOO EARLY OR TOO LATE TO FORGIVE.
Maybe you don’t have to get hit upside the head
with a baseball bat to understand this. Good for you. Some of us do. We all
struggle with forgiveness at some point in our lives, but holding on to anger,
resentment and thoughts of revenge only cause more suffering.
In giving us the power of forgiveness, God has
made us both jailer and prisoner.
· Forgiving is for our own growth and happiness.
· Forgiving helps us to remove pain from our
hearts.
· Forgiving allows us to keep living.
· Forgiving the people closest to us allows us to
keep living and loving as family.
Let
us pray:
Holy Father, we have made mistakes in our
relationships.
We have disobeyed you and broken the trust you
had in me.
We have shut family members out and have not
shown them the love and kindness all your children deserve.
I know
that they have made mistakes too. Help me to forgive them completely as you
would want me to do.
No matter the mistakes, negative feelings,
mistrust, or harm; At the end of the day, we are still family
Please continue to guide me during this
time. Amen.
We
repent and ask forgiveness from you and from those who we have hurt
