Did you know that around 40% of everything we do on a daily basis is habitual?
This means that a big part of our lives is almost entirely on autopilot! From brushing our teeth, to puling in the garage, to answering the phone, it is all habit.
Think this through for a second and evaluate those habits of yours.
Many of those are good habits but how many are bad? And maybe you have one or two weird ones thrown in for good measure.
BJ Fogg, a researcher at Stanford University got it exactly right. “If you pick the right small behavior and sequence it right, then you won’t have to motivate yourself to have it grow. It will just happen naturally, like a good seed planted in a good spot.”
Let me explain that. Let’s start with a behavior… it is often called a routine. The routine in question is eating cookies every night. No, it isn’t me… it is someone else we all know and love.
What causes Homer to eat the cookies? A cue. In this case the cue is when the Krusty Clown show is over, his stomach growls like clockwork. And when his stomach growls that is Homer’s cue to eat cookies.
Now that might not last long except almost everything we do has consequences. If chocolate gave homer a headache it might not become a habit. But unfortunately for homer he is not allergic to chocolate.
Instead, he feels very happy afterwards. So, when the Krusty the Clown show is over tomorrow, and his stomach growls he will reach for the cookies. And a habit is being born!
But there is one more step. That is if Homer starts to feel unhappy, that feeling of happiness after eating cookies becomes the desired reward. Even if it is not time for Krusty the Clown, the connection between cookies ad happiness is very strong and is called a craving. The craving is enough to start the habit cycle and now it is no longer dependent on the daily end of the tv show. The cue is internalized with the words “I need a cookie” just like “I need a drink” and the habit can spiral out of control.
See how that happens?
Take any small behavior, add a reward to it, do it on cue, and repeat and a habit is being born.
Advertisers, motivational speakers, salesmen and marketers use our habits all the time (mostly to separate us from our money). However, we can put this knowledge to good use. Let’s look at last week’s discipleship habit, Bible Reading.
If you want to develop a Bible Reading habit you start by reading the Bible. What is your cue? When you get up in the morning? When you sit down to breakfast? Lunchtime. When you let the dog out? What is your cue?
And you start doing it. When you start reading you begin to realize that you feel encouraged afterwards. You feel like you accomplished something. Or whatever your reward is. Cue, behavior, reward, repeat. And a habit is being born.
Now, not overnight. You don’t make lifelong connections in your basil ganglia by doing something once, or twice. I always heard 21 days, but my reading for this series teaches me that it varies widely depending on the difficulty of the task and the persistence of the person. It might be 60 even 90 days to be ingrained and automatic. Every person and every habit is a little different. Don’t get discouraged. It seems like we never get discouraged when we are creating a bad habit. Just keep at it and you can develop a great new habit.
It is much harder to stop a habit and that will be next week’s subject.
My concern right now is that we have been developing a habit over the last year. I don’t just mean the church; I mean all of us. We have been isolated, and it has been drilled into our heads “social distance,” “no crowds,” “Your neighbors are dangerous.” All of that has its place, but I have a personal theory why rates of mental illness and suicide have gone up noticeably this year. Because the automatic encouragement, understanding, warmth, even the therapeutic value of having frequent contact with friends and family with whom we have a close relationship has been taken away. The net has been pulled out from underneath the highwire act and frankly we aren’t doing so well.
We are not made to be alone. Now, I am not talking about introverts and extroverts. I am talking about all of us. Even the most extreme introvert has need for at least a couple of good relationships. Christians included.
It's a common myth that Christianity can be practiced in isolation. It cannot. Let’s look at 4 reasons.
First, God’s very nature is community. The Father, Son and Holy Spirit make the perfect eternal divine community.
Second, when we were created in God’s image, the need for relationships and community was part of God’s fingerprint on us. We were not intended to be alone. God said, “It is not good that the human should be alone.” And he made Eve… Don’t get hung up on marriage right now. Most importantly God made another person for Adam. And besides that, Adam literally invested his rib in order to get community.
Third the Bible is filled with instructions of how to live together in community. . There is no love, or serving, or sharing the gospel if there are no other people. The two greatest commandments Love God and love Neighbor… pretty much require that we have “neighbors.”
And finally, we frankly need other people. We need people to encourage us, and teach us, and love us, and forgive us, to serve us and for us to serve. This is where the scripture from Hebrews comes in today.
Hebrews 10:24-25
And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.
I caution you not to connect “Not neglecting meeting together” with our dispersion because of the pandemic. What the author is really saying is do not neglect Christian community. Why?
Look at this… “to stir one another up to love and Good works!“ inspiration, and challenge.
And in the second part of the verse, we are specifically told to encourage one another. When things get hard, we have each other. When the day is dark, we have each other. When it doesn’t seem like the future can be better than today, I can lean on your hope for tomorrow and another time, you can lean on mine. You know what I mean. When there’s a death, who gathers around you … the church. When there is a baptism who celebrates with you… the church. If there is a disaster be it fire flood or anything else. Who can you count on to help you the best they can? The church of course.
That is what Christian community is all about.
See how important community is? We can not afford to let the quirkiness of this past year pull us from community. Who would stir us up to love and good works? If we are not engaged in Christian community who is going to encourage us when life gets hard? If we let our connection to the community slip away who will inspire, challenge, and hold us accountable. If we don’t nurture the habit of Christian Community who is going to light up the dark days, and who will surround us with love in the face of sickness, death, or other hard times? It’s hard to imagine what could take the place of the church.
I know this is probably preaching to the choir. But the habit would look like this…
The cue is Sunday… you might have another cue, but let’s take Sunday as an example. Let Sunday remind you to …
connect to the community in any way you can. Come to worship either online or in person, join the prayer chain, volunteer to help teach our Sunday School. Ask if Jason has room for you to join the youth once in a while. Come Exercise, Join the FUMC friends’ group on Facebook, read the Lenten scriptures with us. You might even make it your job to contact some of the folks who need a little extra attention, like homebound, care facility residents, and just some of the older folks who don’t get out so much in the winter. New moms, or young families. The possibilities are endless.
The reward is the joy of serving, the depth of empathy, the support of fellowship, the hope that there are others facing the same thing we are. That is your reward. And a habit is born.
Connect. Bring your own special color into the weaving. Bring your own special pattern. The weaving only more beautiful as more colors are added. It becomes more unique and special as each piece of fabric is woven in.
Aristotle said, “we are what we repeatedly do.” Come do community and you will be community. God weave us together.
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