SEEDS OF AFFIRMATION: HARVEST OF HOPE Last in the series: building blocks of Christian families Carroll First UMC 7/7/2019

 SEEDS OF AFFIRMATION: HARVEST OF HOPE    

Last in the series: building blocks of Christian families

Carroll First UMC 7/7/2019

I have something to show you.  No, it is not a pirate’s chest and I am not a pirate!

If you have been in my office, perhaps you have noticed this sitting on the counter.  It is my faith chest. The Reinbeck church gave them out at baptism. Mine was a parting gift… I cal lit my affirmation box.

In here I keep things that make me feel better when I am having a hard day. I’ll show those to you in a minute, but here are some of the things I keep in my office that could be in my affirmation box. …

Like I said those things are around my office. But the thing I really keep in my affirmation box is this… cards and notes.  You all know how good it feels when you receive a sincere compliment or affirmation.  You all know how good it makes you feel when someone notices a job well done. 

. When I get discouraged or frustrated, I go to my faith chest, or affirmation chest and pull out a few cards to remind me that I do sometimes make a difference and I am a beloved child of God.

We all have affirmation boxes, at least in our hearts, but when those boxes are empty, life can be very hard.

 In the last 2 months we have talked about building blocks of Christian families. We talked about faith, love, being present for each other, communication, modeling, respect, forgiveness (especially forgiving our partners), and we close with encouragement. We can do all the other building blocks, but if we neglect words of encouragement our affirmation boxes will be empty.  Encouragement or affirmations are like oxygen. We don’t live long without oxygen.  We don’t live well without encouragement. Without affirmation or encouragement most of us would wither and die.

Just so we are all on the same page, I want to define what I mean.  I am using affirmation and encouragement interchangeably. Christian encouragement is more than saying I like your haircut or that’s a pretty dress .Those kinds of compliments are important but they only go so far. 

Christian encouragement is Celebrating beautiful person God has created. Instead of “great game, son.” A Christian affirmation might be “that was a great game. Once you decide to be good at something it is like nothing can stop you.”  It is affirming a person for what is on the inside as well as what they do. 

The other quality of Christian Encouragement is it is an act of grace.  It is encouragement given to remind them that they are a beautiful and beloved child of God. This is different from buttering a person up so they will let you have the last piece of cake. It is honestly intended to help them see God working in their life.

Today’s scriptures do a good job of reminding us of the importance of affirmation.

Ephesians says, “Let no evil talk come out of your mouths.”  Can that be clearer? Not much except I want to talk about what is evil talk. Some evil talk we recognize for what it is…intended to hurt someone. “Are you too dumb to understand this?”  “No one likes you.”  “You’re always wasting my money on that junk.” or “No boy is going to ever want to date someone that looks like you.”

If you are going to talk negatively about someone… you might as well just stab them in the heart because you can almost see the life come out of them as you speak.

Other evil talk is harder to identify. Evil talk might be hidden in the prayer concern that is more gossip than prayer.

Evil talk might be saying, “Good game son, but when I played for the tigers we were undefeated.”

Robyn talks about the woman whose compliments were constantly backhanded… “Now that hair style looks good on you.” What do you do with that… I mean the other one didn’t?

·        Skipping a sentence in the scripture, Paul writes, “Put away from you all bitterness and wrath and anger and wrangling and slander, together with all malice.” Those things have no place in any relationship let alone the in the relationship with those to whom we are closest, our families.

Going back to the verse I skipped, Paul goes on,“but only what is useful for building up, as there is need, so that your words may give grace to those who hear.” Speak only what builds up. In other words what affirms, or encourages, or comforts, or inspires someone.  Those are the things that will build up instead of tearing down. We spend years building a Christian family, years stacking building block on building block.  Why let a few poorly chosen words spoken out of anger or hurt blow all of that up?

The old adage, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never harm me.” Is Just not true. Words leave scars just as deep as stick and stones, or just as problematic as black eyes or cigarette burns on a child’s back. And then is silence. … sometimes silence can be has hurtful as any word.

Proverbs, has  a collection of sayings that are  more accurate.

·        Anxiety in a man’s heart weighs him down, but a good word makes him glad. (Proverbs 12:25 ESV) 

·        Gracious words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body. (Proverbs 16:24 ESV) 

·        A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in a setting of silver. (Proverbs 25:11 ESV)

There was even an apostle… one of the 70… named “son of encouragement”  in Greek that is Barnabas.

·        After Paul’s conversion the disciples were understandably wary of this former persecutor. But it was Barnabas who encouraged them to accept him.

·        Antioch was one of the first places Christianity came to the gentiles. The disciples sent the encourager to Antioch to lead them and “when he arrived and saw what the grace of God had done, was glad and encouraged them all to remain true to the Lord with all their hearts.” (Acts 11:23-24)

·        When Mark disappointed Paul and Paul didn’t want to take him on his next missionary trip, Barnabas knew Paul would be fine… he decided to stay with Mark to encourage the young preacher in his ministry. (Tradition also holds that Mark and Barnabas were cousins)

Do you see that encouragement is part of many, many stories in the Bible?

That is because God is an encourager too.

At the very beginning of 2^nd Corinthians, Paul writes, “Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all encouragement, who encourages us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to encourage those who are in any affliction, with the encouragement with which we ourselves are encouraged by God.” (2 Cor 1:3-4)

Our God is a God of encouragement who calls us all to build one another up with encouragement.

So, take inventory of your house… What percentage of sentences tear someone down. What percentage build people up. What is left does neither, but with a little work much of the neutral language could be put to good use.

Check how the adults talk to one another… Psychologists have found one significant difference between those whose marriages will survive, and those who will fail. KINDNESS  Of the newlyweds who would ultimately stay together less than 5% of their words about each other were putdowns. Couples who would later split, used twice as many insults. That gap magnified over the first decade of marriage until couples heading downhill were flinging five times as many word bombs at each other as happy couples.

Then check how you talk to the children. To do this you might listen to how they talk to you because you will probably get back what you dish out. But at any rate… do you spend more time correcting them or affirming them? Putting them down, or building them up?

How do we do it?  How do we sow the seeds of encouragement so we can reap a harvest of hope?

First, notice good qualities, characteristics, skills, and ideas in each person.  God has created every one of us unique and filled us with good qualities. Additionally your children, grandchildren, spouses, parents, siblings, even your in-laws have developed some really outstanding qualities. Maybe they are generous, or merciful, or good teachers, or good athletes, or kind to animals.  Tell them!  Tell them how much it means to you that they are such a wonderful person. Tell them how proud you are of them. (Remember my story of how much it meant to me that my dad said he was proud of me?)  Give your family members that gift.

Second, don’t compare people. Everyone is unique so don’t compare them. Can you really say that the rose is more beautiful than the coneflower? Can you really say that your dog is better than anyone else’s dog? Not really. And when you compare, someone always loses. You might tell someone you are so much smarter than your brother ever was… but what does that do to the brother. Or tell dad his mac and cheese is so much better than mom’s.  How does that make mom feel?  You see what I mean? Compliment by comparison always creates a loser.  So maybe the net effect is neutral, but we can do better than neutral. If you must compare, compare them with themselves. Tell the child how much they have improved in their reading.  Tell your spouse how great they look after they have worked hard on a diet. Tell him you appreciate how he treats you mother with respect.

Third, make a special point to celebrate everything. Take pictures of the preschool graduation and put them on the wall. Ask for that certificate for good attendance and put it in a scrap book. Write a thank you note when your spouse has done something special… or even not so special. Pull out the family videos and remind each other of the great times you shared.  Just celebrate everything that can be celebrated.

And then watch the affirmation box fill. If you could measure it on a self esteem gage you could almost see the needle going up.   But don’t stop when the box is full. Because someone else will say something bad and you’ll have to fill it up again. There will be a disappointment and you’ll have to fill it up again. . Maybe someone slides into a depression and they can’t even see their affirmation box for a while… keep filling it to overflowing because someday they will need it.

            Don’t make this hard… one of my prized possessions that I haven’t showed you yet is this little blue piece of paper with a message written in crayon.

After a Wednesday night service at Reinbeck, I was picking up and found this blue slip of paper on the altar rail. It says “Thanks for the service. Sylvana”

What she could not have known but I later told her is how much that meant on a day when I was questioning whether we should continue the Wednesday night ministry.  I was frankly getting worn out by it.

That note got me through that year and the next before we transformed Wednesday night into something else.  I immediately framed it and it has been within arms reach in my office ever since.

Now Sylvana doesn’t remember writing it. To her it was such a little thing. 

Friends don’t make this hard. Do the little things. Because they make a world of difference.

Fill your house with words of love, and encouragement, and affirmation and each word becomes a seed in someone’s heart.  You might not see it for a while… they might not even think about it to start with… but I promise… I promise all those seeds will sprout and grow and blossom to fill someone’s life with a sweet fragrance and fill their hearts with hope for the day or for a lifetime.