Facing death with hope: #6 Death and rituals

Facing death with hope:  #6 Death and rituals

RUMC

11/11/2012

 

If you were to survey funeral rituals, you might find…

·        Bodies washed by the family or watched in an all-night vigil.

·        They might be embalmed, buried before sunset, or cremated and shipped in cross-shaped urns.

·        You would see graves, mausoleums, columbariums, and family mantles.

·        You might find long lines, hushed voices, quiet tears, or loud wailing and calling out the dead person's name.

·        You might find photo displays.  Videos, power point presentations, and any number of mementos gathered together.

·        There might be chanting psalms, somber as lent with flowers everywhere, communion, eulogies, or you might find silence, or loud singing, or trombones or drums. 

·        Of course, some will say, "Let's send a card instead" and others will attend by webcast.

·        There will be private family burials, walks to the cemetery with coffins carried on the shoulders, funeral coaches, chartered buses, orange-flagged cars ignoring red lights, or pedestrians stopping to remove hats.

·        You might see the coffin lowered or left behind.  Sprinkled with water, ash, or handfuls of dirt.

·        You might see fasting or casseroles, or cocktails and appetizers, or ham sandwiches on those little buns and fancy jello.

Christian funeral rituals vary so widely in part because the Bible doesn't say much about how to do them.

The passage we just read reflects the normal funeral customs of the Jews in Palestine in the first century AD.  It was the women's task to prepare a dead body for burial.  The body was washed, and hair and nails were cut.  Then it was gently wiped with a mixture of spices and wrapped in linen strips of various sizes and widths.  While this was happening, prayers from the Scriptures were chanted.

 The body was wrapped in a shroud, but was otherwise uncovered.
Tombs were visited and watched for three days by family members and friends.  On the third day after death, the body was examined.  This was to make sure that the person was really dead, for accidental burials did sometimes happen in those days.
          That is very different from our custom.  There are as many funeral traditions as there are communities, and each community would consider the funeral traditions of other communities somewhat bizarre.

The Bible doesn't tell us how do funerals.  However, the Bible is absolutely clear about a few things about which we have been talking: 

1.     First, since the 3^rd chapter of Genesis the Bible sees death as the natural conclusion to this life.  The Bible records many, many deaths very matter-of-factly.

2.     Second, the Bible teaches that grief is real and it is hard.  Abraham is probably the first example of many in the Bible who mourned for loved ones, including Jesus himself who wept for Lazarus.  Jesus taught, "Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.

3.     Finally, the Bible teaches that death is not the end, but rather a journey to the next life, a better life, Eternal life in the presence of God.

 

From those Biblical teachings, we can draw three conclusions about funerals.

1. The funeral is for saying goodbye.  Since death is a natural conclusion to this life, the funeral should help us to remember and celebrate the life of the deceased and say goodbye to them.

2. The funeral is for comforting.  Since death is so hard on those who are left behind, the funeral should provide an opportunity to be surrounded by friends and family (many of whom have been through other deaths and losses) who can support us, care for us, and encourage us, reminding us that in spite of how we may feel at the time, this is not the end for us.

3. The funeral is for celebrating.  Not trite celebrations like some funerals today.  Since part of the Christian message is that death is not the end, we must celebrate that claim both holding it close to our hearts, and holding it up for all the world to see.

 

In Christian theology, the funeral is one step in our journey.

·        Just as many of us were first carried into the church by parents and grandparents, it is appropriate that at the funeral we be carried out of the church by those who will follow us.

·        Just as we were baptized into new life in Christ, now using that same baptismal image we are baptized into eternal life with God.

·        Just as we worshiped here week after week, we will be brought to be present in worship one last time.

·        Just as we journeyed through this life with God, the journey to the cemetery is the next logical step in our journey to eternal life with God.

Therefore, taking all that as background let me answer a few questions.  Some of these are from the burning questions you turned in.  Others are questions I am occasionally asked in conversation.  Let me be clear.  There are no Biblical answers to these questions, but drawing from the principles of the Bible, here are my best answers.

1- Is a funeral necessary?  NO but it is important.  For two reasons.  First, you are important to God and everyone deserves to be remembered and celebrated by those who are left behind, even if it is only 5 or 6 people.

Second, the funeral is really not for the deceased.  Remember I said it is for comfort?  Grief is a long hard journey.  An important step in the journey is expressing our grief.  Robyn calls that mourning.  Expressing or ritualizing our grief.  Although it is certainly possible to grieve without a funeral, there is a reason we have funerals.  They work.  They work in helping us to come to grips with the death, normalize the experience and begin to integrate that into our lives.

2. Does a funeral have to be in the church?  No, but for a baptized Christian the church is the most appropriate place.  I have done a lot of funerals in funeral homes and frankly no matter how nice they are it isn't the same.  The church is designed for worship it is your spiritual home, here we are surrounded by the symbols of the faith and the collective memories of the community of faith.  To me that makes a big difference.

I even encourage church funerals for non-baptized people.  Every person is loved by God and I think this is one way we can show God's grace, by welcoming and, hopefully, blessing those who mourn.  Many times the person may not have been religious, but members of the family are and they desire a religious service.

In cases where they do not want a religious service, that falls outside the ministry of the church.  We simply do not do non-religious services.

 

3. What about cremation?  Is cremation acceptable for Christians?  Yes.  Christian tradition has discouraged it because we expect a bodily resurrection.  You know what "the perishable must put on imperishability and the mortal must put on immortality" That is a spiritual body.  These bodies deserve respect but are not needed in the age to come.  If they are what about those who died many years ago and their bodies long ago returned to the earth.  Frankly, God makes us ecofriendly because when we die our bodies will just be recycled into the earth.  Cremation speeds that process up.

The phrase "Ashes to ashes, dust to dust" has made its way into our funeral services and comes from the Anglican funeral service.  They took the idea from Genesis 3:19

19 By the sweat of your brow
    You will eat your food
Until you return to the ground,
    Since from it you were taken;
For dust you are
    And to dust you will return."

 

One concern I have is that direct cremation without any viewing might skip over an important step in the grief process.  There is something about seeing the body that is important to many people as they grieve.  However, there are ways to have a viewing and visitation and still have cremation.  The funeral director can help us with that. 

 

4. What about body or organ donation?  What greater gift could there be than to give the organs we no longer need to improve someone else's life.  Jesus says, "Greater love has no one than to lay down his life for a friend."  I think giving our organs to people we don't know is a final act of generosity.  Body donation is a little harder because there are no remains available for a year or more and the family might feel a little like they are limbo. 

Even if the body is donated, or if it is lost at sea or any other reason the body cannot be present we still have a funeral.  It is just called a memorial service when the body is not present.

 

5. Finally, I want to answer one more question.  Should I pre-plan my service?  Yes and no.  Yes, you should if possible make the basic arrangements and make some preliminary decisions.  It is always easier for the family if the service is prepaid, or if there is a funeral fund available.

I say no to detailed preplanning, not because I don't value your input, but because I think the exercise of making some of the final decisions for a loved one's funeral is an important final act of love.  You can take a lot of the load off of your family by caring for the financial aspects and leaving clear indication of your preferences, but I would discourage you from planning it down to the last detail and locking it in.

In your bulletin, I have provided a guide sheet that can be used to guide you in making suggestions for your funeral.  This only includes the things for which I am responsible.  It does not include cremation or anything like that because that is really the responsibility of the funeral director.  There are 2 booklets in the back.  One from the funeral home and the other from me, which answers even more questions about funerals.  You are welcome to take one or both.  If we run out, put your name on the page provided and I will make sure you get what you want.

My guide is just that, it is a guide that will give us suggestions for the service.  However, let me tell you.  I will always follow your family's preferences because they are the ones who need to remember, be comforted, and celebrate Christian hope.  When you die, you are better off than any of us here and we need to plan the service to meet your families' needs.  Families frequently, however, want to know what mom or dad wanted in the service.  This guide will tell them.  It is a great starting place.  You can give it to someone who might be planning your service, you can have us keep it in the office for you, or you can probably arrange with the funeral home to hold it for you.

 

Those are the things I prepared.  Did I miss any burning questions that we can address at this time? 

The details of the questions are not as important as three things I want you to remember.

Every person is a child of God and deserves to be remembered.

Every family member is a child of God and deserves to be comforted.

Every one of us is a child of God.  We come from God and when this life is over, we will return to God.