"Facing death with hope"
Hard deaths #2
10/11/12
Can you relate to the spirit of Job's words? I can.
Do you understand "months of futility, and nights of misery"[i]
Can you identify with "the anguish of (Job's) spirit, (and) the bitterness of (his) soul?[ii]
Have you ever said, "I despise my life…my days have no meaning."[iii]
I can and I have. Most of us have at some time in our lives.
Job's words are the sounds of depression. At any given time, 1 in 10 of us is depressed. One in ten of you almost didn't come today because you were depressed. Since Christians are by no means immune to depression, that means statistically ____ people here today are depressed. Maybe more, maybe less.
There might be a hundred reasons to be depressed: from grief, to sickness, to job situations, to family situations, to mistakes we have made. Depression is a normal part of life. We don't always like to admit it, but every single person gets depressed from time to time. Most people come back out of it and go on with their lives.
Others don't. When depression persists, when there is no discernible reason, when depression is ongoing and recurrent we begin to talk about Clinical depression. Imagine that you are as depressed you have ever been, and you just never come out of it. Or you knew when you came out that you would soon be sliding right back into that black hole of depression. Imagine being depressed more of the time than not. That is what life is like for those of us who are among the 14.8 Million Americans (that is about 1 out of 12) who suffer from major clinical depression.
Within depression, there are degrees. We can't measure it like blood pressure, but we talk about a spectrum from very mild to very severe. In clinical depression, the spectrum runs from disthymia (which is a low-grade persistent depression) to Major Chronic Depression which is the deepest darkest most persistent depression you can imagine.
Again, I want to say, depression caused by situations, and even an occasional down day or two is just part of the total range of human emotions. Most people experience depression and it doesn't interfere with their life, their relationships, or their job.
In this series on death, we come to a topic that none of us really likes to talk about: suicide. It is time to break the silence and the whispering, and talk about suicide openly and honestly.
I started with depression because depression is the #1 cause of suicide. 90% of people who take their own life do so in the midst of a long and desperate battle with depression. Hear me again-- most people who get depressed would never take their own life. Suicide is not a normal response to stress. There are risk factors, but even MOST of the people with the risk factors do not attempt suicide. Researches tell us that "the (greatest) risk for suicide is associated with changes in brain chemicals called neurotransmitters, including serotonin. Decreased levels of serotonin have been found in people with depression, impulse disorders, a history of suicide attempts, and in the brains of suicide victims."[iv]
To say 90% of people who take their lives are depressed doesn't mean we are all likely to attempt suicide. 1 in ten of us is depressed at any given time. But only 1 in a thousand will attempt suicide. And only 1 in 10,000 will complete suicide. I do not want to portray suicide as normal, or common. It is not. It is, however, a reality we must face. How many of you have been touched by suicide in your life. Either you contemplated taking your own life, or you know someone who has, or you knew someone who completed suicide. That is most of us <<half of us??? >>
The place to start, I believe, is knowing that suicide is not normal or common and we have to bust two myths that are almost polar opposites. The two myths are: (1) We shouldn't talk about suicide, and (2) those who talk about it don't do it.
Think about it… <<<half>>> of us have been touched by suicide in our lives. Wouldn't it be irresponsible NOT to talk about it? We are not giving anyone permission or giving anyone ideas. Remember, research says that the leading risk factor is changes in brain chemistry. We will not change anyone's brain chemistry by talking about suicide. In fact, my hope is that if there is someone who might someday consider suicide, that talking about it now, will let them feel less lonely, and they might reach out for help before they hurt themselves.
But we also have to bust the myth that those who talk about it never do it. Most people, who take their life, have talked about it to someone. Now you need to know that there is a difference between someone saying, "Sometimes I just want to die" and saying, "I am saving my pills." Never, ever assume that someone won't really do it. What I usually do is ask them straight out. Do you think you might hurt yourself? And I will ask it 3 or 4 different ways in the same conversation. Sometimes folks will just say yes and we can get them help. Other times I read body language looking for hesitation, or signs of an untruth like avoiding eye contact or nervous movements. If someone is talking about suicide, you need to assume that they are in danger until you get someone; a trained pastor, counselor, paramedic, or doctor can make an assessment. I have had some training and I still want to err on the side of caution. Even that is not a guarantee, but could we live with NOT doing everything in our power to help someone who is hurting that much?
When we talk about suicide, we are not talking about anything new. That is why I chose the passage from Job today. He says, "I prefer strangling and death rather than this body of mine." Now I don't know if he is saying, "Sometimes I really want to die," or if he is saying, "I am about to go hang myself". The point is that Job at least had suicidal wishes. His wife advised him, "Job, just curse God and die." Wasn't that nice?
There are, I think, six accounts of completed suicide in the Bible. In the Old Testament there is the most famous , King Saul,[v] then there is Abimelech [vi] who had an armor bearer kill him with a sword rather than let it be said that a woman killed him by dropping the millstone on his head, Samson[vii] who died at his own hand when he pushed the pillars of the temple aside to kill the Philistines, Ahithophel[viii] who hanged himself, and Zimri[ix] who died in a fire he set himself.
In the New Testament, there is only one: Judas.[x] Judas hung himself in the potter's field (which, by the way, if you were here two weeks ago, was in the valley of Gehena). Have you ever wondered what would have happened if Judas would have waited 3 days? How would things have been different? Judas might have become the most powerful witness in the history of the faith. "I betrayed him and he forgave me. I was dead and now I am alive."
As far as I can tell, the Bible does not explicitly condemn any of these people for taking their life.
In addition to Job's wish for death, I also found Moses, Elijah and Saul asking God to take their lives. By the way, God doesn't work that way. There is no such thing as suicide by God who is the God of life.
There are two lessons from the Scripture study I did.
1. Depression is the common cold of mental health. Depression is as common in the Bible as it is in our culture. What fraction did I say? 1 in 10 are depressed at any given time. 25% will experience a major depressive episode in life. I found depression in the patriarchs, in the prophets and even in Paul himself.
2. The second lesson is there is no evidence that suicide means condemnation. Many people believe (and in fact, it was the official Catholic position for some years) that people who complete suicide go to hell.
The argument was that suicide is a violation of the 5th commandment with no opportunity to repent. You know what? I think there are many occasions when we sin and are too stubborn to confess and ask forgiveness. And I further think it presumptions of us to claim to know the exceeding grace of God.
The official Catholic position, by the way, has changed to one of mercy and non-judgment.
Bottom line, we don't know, and God doesn't tell us. Let's leave the speculation there.
So what do we do? 37,000 people will take their lives in the US this year. It is the 3rd leading cause of death among young people in the US. Someone dies from suicide every 15 minutes. We probably can't change that. I'm sorry to say; those of us sitting in this room cannot change that reality for 37,000 people. We can, however, make a difference for one person, or maybe two people, whom we might know. May I give you some suggestions?
1. 
We need to change our attitude from one of shock and condemnation to one of love and mercy. Let's start with our language. You notice I have struggled today trying not to say "Commit" suicide. It is hard, but let's start by not criminalizing suicide. People commit murder and robbery. Let's talk about "attempting" and "completing suicide," or "taking their own life." It might seem like a small thing but as our words change, so will our attitudes.
2. CLICK Don't be afraid to talk about suicide. Having been there at one time, I believe that those who are contemplating suicide will feel less lonely if they know they can talk to us without shocking us, outraging us, or making us angry.
I used to say that anyone who tried to take their life was by definition mentally ill. Many people still take that position. That may be technically true, or maybe not. But I no longer say that. I now believe that suicidal thoughts and actions are not symptoms of mental illness so much as they are symptoms of pain. They are symptoms of the deepest, darkest, most desperately hopeless pain a person can experience. We need to be ready to hear and bear their pain with them.
I am not saying that suicide is not scary. It is. I have been touched by a few suicides over the years including elderly people, teenagers, and walking in on one in progress. (We were able to get her help and save her life.) Suicide is very scary. But we have to be able to set our own anxiety aside and reach out to the person who is in such deep pain that they can't see the any possibility of getting better.
If you are the one considering suicide talk about it. No one can help you unless you let us in to know something of the pain you are experiencing.
3. CLICK If you believe someone is suicidal or may hurt themselves your obligation is to get them help. Call me, call the sheriff, call their physician, take them to the ER. You do whatever you need to do to keep them safe, so they can have the opportunity to see that things can change. Do not leave them alone. Do not try to talk them out of it. (Because they will lie to you and you may end up regretting it.)
Will they be mad at you? Sometimes. But it is better to lose a friend than lose a life. Your only obligation is to keep them safe and get them to where they can get help.
Don't believe that anyone is too young or too old. Suicide by preteens aged 10-13 have jumped by 76% in recent years. The elderly make up 12% of the population but they account for 16% of the suicides. Furthermore, suicide rates go up as age increases with the highest rates being for white men over the age of 85.
Why don't you notice it? Often because of the age, we assume they died of "natural causes" and out of a sense of embarrassment, families don't correct us.
4. CLICK Finally if you are thinking about hurting yourself. Call someone. Call a hot line, call a pastor, a friend, a doctor, a counselor, a sheriff deputy. I know you are not likely to believe me, but there are 100 people out here who do not want to see you die. And would do anything to help you.
No matter who the person is, even if it is you. It is our obligation to take the possibility of suicide seriously...
Some people believe that if someone is intent on hurting himself or herself they will find a way. Some time, some place, somehow. And they may be right, at least to some extent. The truth is that is we will never be able to guarantee someone else's safety 100%. So the question becomes how do we cope with suicide when we are left behind. Suicide is a particularly hard death.
1. 
First, we have to know that it is not our fault. Individuals are responsible for their own decisions and we are not fortunetellers. Often times people blame themselves, believing that they drove the person to suicide, or should have been able to stop it. Remember the biggest risk factor is an imbalance of brain chemicals. Suicide is not usually an attempt to punish someone else. It is usually a self-centered act. By that, I mean that they are not thinking of others, but only escaping their current pain. If they are thinking of their families, they often think that you will be better off without them. You are not at fault for someone else's suicide.
2. CLICK Brace for powerful emotions. I don't know if they are any more powerful than other deaths, but Shock, anger, guilt, and despair will wash over you again and again, as you walk that valley of grief. Be particularly aware of your own depression and despair, because there is some truth to the idea that one suicide gives legitimacy to the option of suicide as a coping method, and almost validates it for others.
3. CLICK Reach out. Especially if you or someone you know might hurt themselves. But reach out no matter what. Raise your hand again if your life has been touched by suicide. Look around. Do you see how much help is available just in this room? But there is even more. Robyn has made helping you with grief her life's work and ministry. There are friends, relatives, neighbors, pastors, counselors, therapists and doctors all lined up to help you. Let them. Don't try to do it all by yourself.
Perhaps most importantly. I want to say the same thing I said last week about hard deaths. Nothing, nothing, nothing can separate you from the great love of God through Jesus Christ.
· CLICK Neither depression, nor anxiety, nor suicidal thoughts nor trying to hurt yourself can EVER separate you from the great love of God in Jesus Christ.
· CLICK Neither despair nor darkness, nor pain no matter how deep, can EVER separate you from the love of God in Jesus Christ.
· CLICK Neither the suicide death of a loved one, nor anger, nor guilt, nor your own pain can ever separate you from the love of God in Jesus Christ.
· CLICK Nothing nothing nothing --- EVER EVER EVER will separate you from the love of God in Jesus Christ our Lord. AMEN
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