Change a habit, change a life- Silence
3/14/21
You might know the name, Bill Wilson. If not, you know his work.
He was in New Bedford, Connecticut learning to use a machine gun before being shipped to Europe in World War 1. One evening Bill was offered a drink. He came from a strict house and had never tasted alcohol, but he thought accepting it was the polite thing to do.
A few weeks later he took his second drink and writes that he thought he had found the Elixer of Life. Years later, back from Europe, his marriage failing, a fortune made a lost he met a friend who had been sober for two months. The friend told him he got religion. He said, “Realize you are licked, admit it and get ready to turn your life over to God.” Wilson thought he was a cook. He said, “last summer an alcoholic, this summer a crackpot.”
One month later Wilson was himself in rehab. As he detoxed he went through the worst withdrawal symptoms you can imagine. The pain got so bad he called out “If there is a God show yourself” A moment later a white light filled the room, the pain ceased, and he felt like he was on a mountain top. He felt like a free man and never had a drink again!
He spent the last 36 years of his life sober and dedicated to helping other alcoholics beat the habit. 2.1 million people every year seek help from the group Bill Wilson started, Alcoholics anonymous. As many as 10 million may have found sobriety through the group.
Which in a way seems strange because it is downright unscientific. AA does not address the underlying biochemical processes of alcoholism. It does not promote the usual medical practices that help people conquer alcohol addiction. The number 12 (as in 12 steps) was randomly chosen because there were 12 apostles. And for a non-religious person like Bill Wilson, it seems strange that 7 of the 12 steps mention God.
AA is not based on medical science. But it works because it is based on breaking the habit loop.
In the 12 steps, for instance, step four (to make “a searching and fearless inventory of ourselves”) and five (to admit “to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs”). That comes right out of the game plan of identifying our triggers or cues.
And Then AA addresses the reward. You be surprised to know that intoxication doesn’t even show up on the list for many people. Usually, the reward is escape, or release, or socializing over a drink. The friendship and support along with the cathartic nature of sharing help to reach the same reward.
Basically, AA offers meetings and sponsors as substitute behaviors for drinking. And it works. It might not be scientific from a medical perspective, but who can argue with something that works for so many people.
12 step support groups are used in battling all kinds of addictions, but also for destructive habits, like overeating, gambling, self-mutilation, sex addiction, video games, emotional dependency, and dozens of other destructive habits. And it is all based on breaking the habit cycle. If breaking the habit cycle works for drugs, alcohol, and tobacco with their strong component of biological dependency the same approach can certainly work for someone who wants to break the habit of gossiping, or being chronically late, or procrastination, or cussing, or pornography, or greed or any other habit that seems bigger than we are.
Find the triggers, identify the rewards and link them with a new behavior that is hopefully less destructive than the current behavior. As I have said before, rinse and repeat, and a new habit is being born.
You can do it. No one will tell you that it will be easy. Whatever your habit is, it will be tough to replace it. That is the nature of habits. But you can do it.
But the first step may be the hardest. We have to be honest with ourselves. As Wilson’s friend put it, “admit you’re beat.” We tend to protect ourselves and our habits with lies or assumptions like
I haven’t been able to quit in the past so I won’t be able to do it now. The truth is, it takes a long time to break habits–sometimes even years. But if we give up, we miss out on the freedom at the end of the tunnel.
Just this once won’t hurt. Put that in the mouth of an alcoholic and you will understand why it is not true for any of the rest of us either.
My habit isn’t hurting anyone. Maybe this is true, but chances are it affects your relationships, or your job, or your finances, or your health or something… If it is a bad habit it likely hurts someone. If nothing else, it hurts us to stay enslaved to a bad habit.
It shouldn’t be so hard. If God wants me to stop, he should help. And the other side
I can always be forgiven. Both of those are true, but they are not to be used as an excuse.
I can do this on my own. Here’s the truth: If you could have you would have. It’s hard to fix yourself. Find a friend, a pastor, a Bible study group, or someone who can help you get the burden off of your shoulders. And hold you accountable.
Big habit or small the process is the same. Identify the trigger, identify the reward and keep both of them. But, find different behavior that is more desirable.
Once you have admitted your problem, three things might help you to change your habits.
If it is a big habit, It is helpful if you can break it up. I had a friend when I was a carpenter, who stopped smoking – as he said “one cigarette at a time.” First, he eliminated the automatic cigarette triggered by the morning break. Then he went after the cigarettes triggered by other cues, one at a time. He substituted talking during break time and sometimes his talk was so vulgar I almost wished he would stick a cigarette back in his mouth, but that passed and I was glad it worked for him and he was able to quit. It is the old saying, how do you eat an elephant… one bite at a time. Baby steps help with big bad habits.
The second is accountability. Someone should be on the habit-changing journey with you to encourage you and hold you accountable. A friend, pastor, family member, co-worker, counselor, it doesn’t matter. But we need someone to hold us accountable and someone to celebrate the victories big and small.
The third thing that helps, but maybe it should be the first thing, is prayer. God wants us to be healthy. God wants us to be the best we can be. And praying for strength to get through the day or the hour is a good tool.
Break the cycle, take it in small bites, get help, and bathe your efforts in prayer. And you can replace any habit in your life. Change your habits, change your life.
This week’s spiritual habit is one of the easiest and one of the hardest. We live in a world addicted to noise. Many people want something going all the time. A tv, a radio, Spotify, whatever. Whether two are in the car, the living room, or walking they want background noise. And sometimes it is like an auditory assault… you know how commercials come up so much louder than tv shows. Sometimes it seems to me that we are under attack.
But I am a person that loves this spiritual discipline. Silence and solitude.
Was anyone uncomfortable during the silent prayer? I'm sure some were. But silence does not need to make us uncomfortable. …listen(wait)…are you listening? (wait).
I believe God speaks. And how can we hear if we don’t listen?
Cynically, we can turn to Proverbs 17:28 Even fools are thought wise when they keep silent; with their mouths shut, they seem intelligent.
We all want to seem intelligent, don’t we? But that is not a reason for keeping silent,
Today’s story clearly shows us that Jesus needed to getaway. The crowds were pressing in. He was more and more popular and more and more in demand. But he “withdrew to deserted places to pray.” Lk 5:16
At least 5 other times I found, Jesus did the same thing
If it’s Good enough for Jesus, it’s good enough for us right? Getting away from the noise of life for solitude and silence is essential to being centered and being able to hear the voice of God.
Remember I am asking you to change a habit by replacing it with one of the spiritual disciplines. You might use prayer, scripture reading, generosity, or it might be silence. Let me give you a couple of ways to do that.
Go for a walk by yourself. (No earbuds allowed) Keep your ears and your mind open. Shut off the automatic conversation you have going on in your head. Walk slow or walk fast. But walk in silence. Walk for a few minutes or walk 4 miles. But walk in solitude. You will be amazed at the way your senses wake up just because you are listening. And you’ll be amazed at the things God will speak into your silence.
Alternatively, when you pray, instead of ending with a quick signoff, “amen”… just stop, say, “Lord, I am listening.” And then be quiet. See if you can feel your pulse gently beating somewhere. Become aware of your breathing. If something pops into your mind, pray it, but then go back to silence. I lose track of time when I do it, but you will know when you are done.
Finally, an alternative is to find a quiet corner of the house. I prefer my backyard swing in the dark, but that’s up to you. (The darkness just takes away one of the major senses) Find a quiet spot and relax… and relax. Relax your toes, your feet, your ankles, your calves, your knees… you get the idea. Relax everything and as you do feel open to the silence. Just sit relaxed and listening. Sometimes God will speak clearly… other times maybe not. But have you ever been with a friend and just sat in silence? It can be very powerful. And that is what you are doing. Sitting with a friend in silence.
Let’s try that…
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