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We have heard some powerful stories of answered prayer today haven’t we? That is only scratching the surface. Probably every one of us has a story we could tell. These were chosen because they were pretty clear examples of how God answers prayer.
On the other hand, every single one of us also knows what “not-yet-answered” prayer is like. I prefer “not-yet-answered” to unanswered. We have all had the experience of praying and praying and waiting and waiting, and pleading and begging and it seems that nothing happens. Our most common response to so-called unanswered prayer is to blame God or guilt ourselves which just builds a wall between us and the only one who can answer prayer.
I often hear things like, “I prayed and prayed and God didn’t seem to care. If God cared, he would have healed my child.” Accusing God of not caring builds a wall between us and God.
I often hear things like, “I pray, but God doesn’t hear.” I’ll tell you, I know the feeling of having my voice echo back at me as if I was prying into a bucket. But to blame God for not listening builds a wall between us and God.
I have heard, “God must not be as powerful as I thought because God couldn’t get me that job I really wanted.” Can we really jump from “I didn’t get the job” to God can’t do it? That is a pretty big leap. And it just builds a wall between us and God.
If we keep thinking of “unanswered prayer” as a problem we continue to build bigger and bigger walls between us and God. That’s why I prefer “not-yet-answered” prayer.
We are not the first people to struggle with this.
How long did Abraham and Sara wait for a child? They got so impatient at one point that they took matters into their own hands and Ishmael was born. After 25 years … I said 25 years Isaac was born and God made good on his promise that Abraham and Sara would have a child.
In Psalm 66 that we read today, the Psalmist is trying to figure out why his prayer was not answered and he admits that there may be sin in his heart.
Job, who was among the most righteous of men, is the classic story of believing God wasn’t listening.
Although it is not technically prayer, we see in the gospels that Jesus sometimes denied the disciple’s requests.
At the transfiguration, the disciples tell Jesus “Let’s build tents and stay here to worship you.” Jesus replies no, I have other plans.
In Luke 9, we read about a Samaritan village that did not receive Jesus. James and John asked for fire to come down and consume it. Jesus said something like “I hope you are kidding! That is really not going to happen.”
In Mark 11, Jesus says “Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.”
But when Jesus himself prayed so earnestly that his sweat was like “drops of blood falling to the ground,” he asked “Father let this cup pass from me. Please don’t make me go to the cross. God get me out of this, please!” Was Jesus prayer answered? Well, it would seem not, because 24 hours later he was in the tomb.
Did you ever think of that? Even Jesus who in the mystery of the incarnation was God in human skin… at least this one time, even Jesus’ prayer was not granted. Our struggle with not-yet-answered prayer seems to be is nothing new and we are in the best of company.
However, I want to reframe this today. You may be disappointed that I don’t give you a magic wand to wave in prayer, or magic words, or enchanted beans, or the deepest answers to this universal question. But I think it will be most helpful if, instead of talking about this as a “problem,” I talk about answered prayer as the intersection of a miracle and a mystery.
First, the miracle.
We have to abandon the idea that prayer is a transaction as though God works for Amazon; we plug in our credit card number and God sends us whatever we order. We have to give up the idea that prayer is a system of merits and rewards in which we trade our goodness for access to God’s power.
You might say, I don’t believe that, but our trouble with not-yet-answered prayer betrays otherwise. I know where we get the idea of prayer as transaction. It is from passages like Mark 11:24 “Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.” That passage makes God sound like a cosmic vending machine. I want us to look a little further to see an expansion and clarification of that passage like John 15: 7 “If you abide in me, and my words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you.” John says the same thing “ask and you will receive” but the abiding language helps us to see prayer as a relationship.
When we give up the idea that prayer is somehow magical and embrace the miracle of prayer as relationship, it changes everything.
The first miracle is that God wants to be in relationship with us. It is an absolute miracle that the almighty God, the creator of the universe and each of us, the almighty and powerful God WANTS to be in relationship with us. But that is the wonderful character of God. From the mystery of the relationship within the Trinity to God’s desire to “Make people in our own image,” to God’s repeatedly seeking covenant with the people of Israel, to God becoming flesh in Jesus Christ. The first mystery is the wonderful mystery of a God who wants to be in relationship with us.
The second mystery is that we are able to be in relationship with God. We who cannot comprehend the width or length, or heights or depths of God’s love[1] are created in God’s own image for one reason and one reason only. So that we can be in relationship with God.
Prayer then, is no longer a transaction. It is a relationship. Prayer can no longer be thought of like a business deal. It must be thought of as the miraculous relationship between creator and created, between father and son or daughter, between divine and human. Prayer is relationship.
So, think about all of the relationships in your life. Your parents, your children, your neighbors, business associates, and especially marriage partners. What does it take to maintain those relationships? What does it take to develop a relationship? How do we improve a relationship? Communication is the key to every relationship. Verbal, non-verbal, in writing, or by phone, by text, by email; every relationship is based on communication. All relationships exist on a continuum from being total strangers, to acquaintance, to friend, to partner, to the most intimate of relationships like marriage. And the way relationships develop, the way they grow, the way any relationship moves ahead on the continuum is by communication. I tell marrying couples that communication is the most important and the most difficult part of their relationship. The same is true for our relationship with God.
Jesus makes it sound so simple “abide in Jesus.” Be in relationship with Jesus.
But think again about your many relationships. Are any of them easy? Are any simple? NO. Let me tell you no relationship is simple. Not even our relationship with God. Prayer is both the most important and most difficult part of our relationship with God. It takes time. It takes energy. It takes commitment. It takes persistence. But it is worth it because prayer (regardless of any results or no results) just the ability to be in relationship with God and prayer is nothing short of a miracle. The miracle of prayer.
I said we were going to reframe not-yet-answered prayer in terms of a miracle and a mystery. The miracle is our ability to be in relationship with and communicate with God. The mystery is God’s will and plan for us. To us, God’s ways are always a mystery.
Jesus acknowledges the mystery in the prayer that he taught the disciples. “Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven.” God’s plan or God’s kingdom are a mystery far too deep for us to comprehend. God’s will is mystifying to us. I’d say that was true even for Jesus. At the rock in the garden, he prayed “if it be your will.” Apparently, God’s will was something of a mystery to him too.
What is God’s will in this situation or that? What is God’s will for this person or that? Is it God’s will that this person live or die? I don’t know. You don’t know. Apparently, even Jesus didn’t know some things. God’s will is a mystery.
If we reframe prayer as the miracle of divine relationship, and mystery of the divine will. Answered prayer, then, happens at the intersection of this miracle and this mystery.
How does that help us when it appears that our prayers are bouncing off the ceiling? How does that help us when our loved one dies anyway? How does that help us when we pray so hard that our sweat falls like drops of blood and we have nothing to show for it?
First, don’t give up. If your prayer has not happened yet, do not assume it can’t or won’t. God does not work on our timelines or on demand. Don’t give up. God says “my ways are higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts.”[2] Don’t give up. Don’t become fixated on the one not-yet-answered prayer. Don’t give up. Don’t let it become a wall between you and God, and don’t give up. Don’t give up on your prayer, and most importantly don’t’ give up on prayer in general. Keep the lines of communication open. Don’t give up.
Second, don’t try to place blame. Some will tell you that not-yet-answered prayer is your fault because you don’t have enough faith or you didn’t say the magic words. Don’t believe them. Others will tell you that God failed you. Don’t believe them. Some will tell you that there is no point in praying because God doesn’t care. Don’t believe them. I know blaming someone is the popular thing to do these days, everyone believes we need someone or something to blame. Don’t believe them.
Finally, Let not-yet-answered prayer be a reminder that God is God and you are not. Celebrate that the mystery. Celebrate that “God’s ways are higher than our ways and God’s thoughts higher than our thoughts.” Celebrate the mystery. Celebrate that we don’t understand all things, but we do understand one thing. Whether our prayers are answered the way we expect or not. We are loved more than we can imagine. God’s eternal love is a mystery beyond any human comprehension. Celebrate the mystery. We call that celebration AWE. Whether we understand God’s answers or not, we can celebrate that mystery by standing in AWE.
So, let’s stand in awe as we sing, "Lord, Listen to your children praying."
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