The power and problem of forgiveness: Now what? RUMC 3/18/2019

The power and problem of forgiveness: Now what?

RUMC 3/18/2019

We have been talking about some amazing stories of forgiveness. Do you remember the man who forgave his son for hiring a hit man? Do you remember the woman who forgave her son’s killer and now he lives next door to her. Do you remember the woman who forgave the man who sexually assaulted her as a teenager? The woman whose uncle took his own life? Those are amazing stories.

Most of life’s wrongs are not that dramatic, but forgiveness is always amazing. Most of our forgiveness is aimed at little things: the friend who wrongs us, being accidentally excluded or overlooked, being wrongly accused, or blamed, being thoughtlessly embarrassed… None of these makes the cut as the most dramatic or unbelievable stories of forgiveness, but they are still miracles that would not have happened had it not been for God’s grace. Forgiveness, by definition, is always a miracle of grace.

 This is the 5th week we have talked about forgiveness. We have talked about the source of forgiveness, the importance of forgiveness, the way of forgiveness, and barriers to forgiveness.

 Today we want to tackle the indigestion we get after we forgive. Don’t get me wrong. It is not the forgiveness that give us indigestion, it is the fact that too often we have not totally digested forgiveness and that comes back to haunt us. Too often we have not really totally forgiven and it causes us problems.

  We have all heard and even used the phrase, “forgive and forget,” right? We need to put that one to bed today. No one knows the origin of the phrase forgive and forget, but it was not the Bible.

The Bible does talk about God not remembering our sins. For instance, Isaiah 43:25 says, “I, even I, am he who blots out your transgressions, for my own sake, and remembers your sins no more.” Hebrews adds “I will remember their sins and their lawless deeds no more.”

It does not say that God forgets. No, God is omniscient… God knows everything and never forgets anything. The passages say God does not remember. Not remembering is different from forgetting. To forget is to not be able to recall. God never forgets anything. Forgetting is an accident. ..Not remembering is a choice. What God does is chose to not remember… not bring our sins to memory… not dwell on them… not keep bringing them up.

 Remember how I am defining forgiveness. “A decision we make to not imprison others - or ourselves - in the past.” In other words, to forgive is to decide not to remember. To set the memories aside. Not imprisoning anyone, including ourselves, in the mistakes, hurts, and memories of the past.

 That’s all well and good. But let’s try this… I want you to follow my directions very carefully. Do not think about ice cream. Ah… I caught you. Thinking about ice cream… weren’t you. No matter how hard we try, if something triggers a memory it comes flooding back. And whether it is a good memory or a bad one, it can bring back all the same feelings that originally came with it

 Even when we have forgiven all of those memories are still there. In theory, they are harmlessly in the past. When memories of past hurts, injuries, and wrongs involuntarily come back on us, that is what I am calling forgiveness indigestion. It might be triggered by seeing the person, hearing similar words, being in the same place, or there may be no trigger at all. For no apparent reason our minds will be flooded with the hurts others have caused us, and the feelings of anger, or hatred, or revenge, or fear, or victimization will come back. And you know what… we have to forgive all over again.

That happened to me this week. Even though I had forgiven someone several times, the minute I saw them my stomach tightened, my pulse went up and I raised my guard. Not voluntarily, mind you. It just happened automatically. That is why this sermon is different from the title in the bulletin… because I realized I forgot an important step and that is living with forgiveness rather than letting it give us indigestion. This week, along with the flood of memories came the pain, the anger, and the fear the of being attacked all over again. To be clear they did nothing. This is not about them. I have forgiven them. I have released them. I have not, however, set myself free of the pain and anger. That is forgiveness indigestion

Last week I talked about Peter asking how many times he had to forgive and Jesus answer 70x7. One way of looking at that is that if someone keeps hurting us, now many times do we have to keep forgiving them?

Let’s look at the same question through a different lens. Could Peter have been asking, “How many times do I have to forgive if a single hurt keeps coming back like indigestion?” And Jesus’ answer is just the same 70x7.

Let’s go to the scripture for today.

Romans 12 has some great advice. Let’s start with verse 9 on page 162

 “Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good. Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor.”

Isn’t that interesting? Outdo one another in showing honor. In other words, no matter how dishonorable they were, be the first to show respect.

By doing so we are freeing ourselves from unforgiveness. And we will not suffer forgiveness indigestion.

Similarly…if we keep working our way through the passage;

No matter what they did, keep loving God and you are being set free from unforgiveness.

No matter what they did, be the first to serve and you are being set free from unforgiveness.

No matter what they did, do not give up hope on them and you are being set free from unforgiveness.

No matter how much they hurt you, be patient with them and you are being set free from unforgiveness.

No matter how you may feel, pray for them and you are being set free from unforgiveness.

No matter how selfish they have been, be generous with them and others and you are being set free from unforgiveness.

No matter that they did, show them hospitality and you are being set free from unforgiveness.

No matter what is in the past, bless-- do not curse them and you are being set free from unforgiveness.

Even if they don’t show you compassion, have compassion on them rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep and you are being set free from unforgiveness.

Even if they don’t try, you try to live in harmony with them and you are being set free from unforgiveness.

Even if they are vengeful, do not repay evil with evil. and you are being set free from unforgiveness

No matter what they think of you, try to find something good in them and you are being set free from unforgiveness.

 “If it be possible… so much as it depends on you live peaceably with all.”

No matter what anyone has done to you do not seek revenge, let God be the judge.

If they are hungry, be the first to feed them.

If they are thirsty be the first to give them drink and you are being set free from unforgiveness

Then Paul quotes Proverbs 25, which sounds harsh… “By doing so you will heap burning coals on their heads.” Which sounds harsh, it sounds like lowering yourself to their level. But not really… NOTICE THE NEXT LINE, “DO NOT BE OVERCOME BY EVIL, BUT OVERCOME EVIL WITH GOOD. That makes it clear that Paul is saying that when we do the right thing, it illuminates the wrongdoing of others. They may begin to feel guilty enough that God can work in them… they may repent. They may become open to seeing God’s love in your actions and they may change.

Or they may not, but either way we are living lives set free from unforgiveness.

In summary… love them… Is spite of them…love them… in spite of yourself… love them the best you can. No matter what… love them. If you have forgiven them, love them. If you are having trouble forgiving them, love them. If you feel bitter love them. If you want revenge, love them. No matter what love them. That is the only road to freedom from unforgiveness.

 In Total Forgiveness, R. T. Kendall. Puts it this way:

1.         Make the deliberate and irrevocable choice not to tell anyone what they did.

2.         Be pleasant to them should you be around them.

3.         If conversation ensues, say that which would set them free from guilt.

4.         Let them feel good about themselves.

5.         Protect them from their greatest fear; being found out.

6.         Keep it up today, tomorrow, this year, and next.

7.         Finally, Pray for them.

In other words, no matter what… love them.

But I don’t know if I can… you might say… I don’t know if I have that in me. I promise you that you do not. You don’t stand a chance of loving those who have hurt you on your own. But Paul also addresses that at the beginning of today’s passage.

  “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your minds, so that you may discern what is the will of God—what is good and acceptable and perfect.”

The world says revenge… you mind says get even… your twisted-up gut says teach them a lesson… but Paul writes, don’t be conformed to that. But be a transformed creature. Transformed by the grace of God into a child of love and forgiveness.

You can’t do it alone. Not a chance in the world. But God can. Yes, God can transform your anger to love, your vengefulness to forgiveness. God can and God will cure you of your forgiveness indigestion.