The Power and Problem of Forgiveness: WHY?

RUMC 2/25/2018

For the next 5 weeks we will be talking about the F word. Not the F word you are thinking about… there is another one. Forgiveness.  

You may have a couple of reactions to that F word.

Some might want to get up and walk out because you don’t want me meddling with your grudges and bitterness. You need to understand that unforgiveness, bitterness, and anger are diseases that will ultimately kill you.

Others might tune me out because they expect a sanctimonious sermon wagging my finger at all of YOU who have trouble with forgiveness. You need to know I am preaching this series in part for myself. I know for a fact, however, that I am not alone in needing to spend time with forgiveness.

So for those of you who have not left yet, and have not tuned me out, last week I talked about the 4th essential prayer, “I’m sorry.” At the end of the message I was arguing that the very essence of God is grace… the very heart of God’s being is forgiveness. In fact the central fact of the Christian faith, Jesus death on the cross and the resurrection, are all about forgiveness. It is one thing, however to seek God’s forgiveness… after all God is kind of in the forgiving business. It is a very different thing to take the next step and say since we are made in the image of God we too are in the forgiving business.

Let’s start then with WHY? Why would we want to forgive? After all, “Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me, right?” It is natural to want to protect ourselves from those who have hurt us. In fact we must protect ourselves. That doesn’t mean we can’t forgive, but why would we want to?

•           First let’s start with our bodies. A minute ago, I said, “Unforgiveness, bitterness, and anger are a disease.” Literally, unforgiveness is classified as a disease. 

o          Of all cancer patients, 61 percent have forgiveness issues, and of those, more than half are severe. Unforgiveness and the anxiety that it causes produces excess adrenaline and cortisol, which deplete the production of natural killer cells, which is your body's foot soldier in the fight against cancer,"  

o          The National Co-morbidity Study asked nearly 10,000 U.S. residents, “Have you ever held a grudge against someone for years?” Those who said yes also had higher rates of heart disease, cardiac arrest, elevated blood pressure, stomach ulcers, arthritis, back problems, headaches, chronic pain,  brain hemorrhage, anorexia, bulimia, sleeplessness, and psychological disorders.

Literally unforgiveness will kill you.

•           Second, unforgiveness spills over into all of our relationships, degrading our communication skills, thinking abilities and decision-making power. Unforgiveness is a chronic trauma which causes the brain to go into a hyperactive state which can cause hormonal imbalance . We become obsessed with the wrong, mistrusting of everyone, unable to enjoy the preset, we are more likely to be depressed, anxious, and experience a sense of meaninglessness and purposelessness in life. 

Unforgiveness will literally wreck your relationships.

•           Finally, unforgiveness puts us directly at odds with every major religious tradition in the world because they all encourage forgiveness. And it creates more than just a little problem for Christians because for us forgiveness is not just encouraged, it is a fundamental expectation. We are taught that unforgiveness keeps us from God.

You can see unforgiveness is a real problem in every part of our lives; physical, emotional, and spiritual.

Let’s go a little deeper into the spiritual reasons to forgive.

If you want the bottom line… it is “because Jesus said so.”

Over and over again Jesus teaches that we must forgive.

Let’s turn to Matthew 5 page _______.

 Before we ever get to our passage for today we read one of the beatitudes. “Blessed are the merciful, for they will receive mercy.” That speaks directly to forgiveness.

In verse 21, where we started reading today, we find Jesus expanding the Old Testament law. The law said do not murder, Jesus says do not be angry. In order to free ourselves of anger we have to forgive.

 Then in verse 23, Jesus talks about how unforgiveness affects our relationship with God and our ability to worship. He says if you are headed to church, and you realize someone has something against you (I think it goes without saying that he would also say if you have anything against someone else) stop where you are. Go take care of the relationship and then come back to offer your gift to God. Carrying a load of unforgiveness means we can’t lift our hearts and hands in worship. It also has to do with gratitude. God has offered us so much forgiveness, we should forgive others with a grateful heart. …. How can you worship a forgiving God if you are unforgiving? How can you love God with a heart full of unforgiveness, bitterness, and anger toward your neighbor?

 I John puts it this way “20 Those who say, ‘I love God,’ and hate their brothers or sisters, are liars; for those who do not love a brother or sister whom they have seen, cannot love God whom they have not seen.” Those who cannot forgive a brother or sister are fundamentally unable to receive God’s forgiveness.

Every verse in this chapter 5 and on through the sermon on the mount can be applied to forgiveness, but let’s turn to the verse the great preacher Charles Spurgeon called our death warrant.

 Augustine said the 5th petition of the Lord’s Prayer, “Forgive us our trespasses, (or debts or sins) as we forgive those who trespass against us,” is a terrible petition. He pointed out that if you pray these words while harboring an unforgiving spirit, you are actually asking God NOT to forgive you. Think about that for a minute. We are in essence praying “Dear God, if I haven’t forgiven others, don’t forgive me.” Spurgeon said to pray the Lord ’s Prayer with an unforgiving spirit is to sign your own death warrant.

 Of those 11 words there is only one that is a problem, “AS.” We would rather pray “Forgive us our trespasses and we will forgive those who trespass against us.” But that is NOT what Jesus said.

 He said that we are in essence setting up the standard of forgiveness or unforgiveness n our lives by our actions, and God will follow whatever rule we are following in our lives. When you pray this prayer you are really saying, “O God, deal with me as I deal with other people.” Do unto me as I have done to others.” You cannot have it both ways. Do you want to be forgiven? You must forgive others. Period. End of discussion.

Just in case you think I am exaggerating, there is only one petition of the Lord’s prayer that Jesus goes on to explain. Drop down to verse 14. Immediately after the prayer Jesus knew people would try to wiggle out of that one verse. So just in case we have any doubt he says it as plainly as he can.   “For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you; but if you do not forgive others, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.”

That is scary. Did you ever think he Lord’s Prayer was so scary? I’ll never pray it the same again.

Now let me be clear… this is not talking about our salvation. We cannot earn our salvation. The expectation that we forgive is not a prerequisite to salvation. “Forgive others so you can be saved” would be works righteousness. No, this is for those who have ready received God’s forgiveness. It is instruction on how we must live our daily lives by gratefully doing likewise to those around us.

Which reminds us of the story of the unforgiving servant from Matthew 18. We are like the unforgiving servant. We stand before Almighty God with our sins piled up like a mountain. The mountain is so tall we can’t get over it, so deep we can’t get under it, so wide we can’t go around it. That’s every one of us. Our sins are like a $50 million dollar debt we could never pay in our lifetime or in a thousand lifetimes. We come as debtors to God, come with empty hands, and we say, “I cannot pay.” God who is rich in mercy replies, “I forgive all your sins. My Son has paid the debt. You owe me nothing.” Then we rise from the pew, leave the communion table, walk outside the church humming “Lord, I Lift Your Name on High.” And before we get to our car we see someone who owes us $10 so we grab him by the throat and say, “Pay me right now! or else.”

The parable ends with more terrible words… I wish we could sugar coat them but we can’t “Then the master called the servant in. ‘You wicked servant,’ he said, ‘I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. Shouldn’t you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?’ In anger his master handed him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed.

  “This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother or sister from your heart.”

Bottom line. If you release them, you will be set free.

For this series of sermons I am defining Christian forgiveness as “A decision we make to not imprison others or ourselves in the past.”

It’s a conscious choice to release others from their sins against us so that we can be set free. Release them, and you will be set free.

Which all sounds great until we get real

Release them, and you will be set free. The very moment we say those words, the mind begins to argue: “But you don’t know what he did to me.” “They lied about me over and over again.” “She intended to destroy my career—and she did.” “You can’t imagine the hell I’ve been through.” “If you knew what this has done to my family, you would be angry too.” “They deserve to suffer like they’ve made me suffer.” “I’m going to make them pay.” “My daughter was raped. How do you forgive that?” “I was sexually abused. How do you forgive that?” “I will never forgive those people. Never!”

It seems C. S. Lewis was right: “Everyone says forgiveness is a lovely idea until they have something to forgive.”

I know how hard it is. I am right there with you. In the next several sermons we are going to talk about how we forgive and some of the hurdles to forgiveness. We will work through some of the hard questions together.

I promise I will never tell you that forgiveness is easy. Only that you must set them free to be free yourself.

I am going to share a powerful video story of forgiveness. It might hit close to home for some, but if you can stick with it, it is worth it.

  (video)

Release them, and you will be set free.