Terry flattered me a couple of weeks ago by saying that I forgive easily and quickly. As far as it goes, that is true. But, I also have a memory that never quits. I remember the most trivial things, like what time Medical Center starring Chad Everett was on when I was what? Eight years old. (It was Mondays at 9 on CBS-and it premiered in 1969, when I was eight years old) My memory works that way with less than trivial things as well. Few people know the inner battles anyone us fight. I confess that one of my inner battles is to let go of the past and leave it in the past because my memory has a way of churning things up over and over again. I try to discipline my memory and lead with my head rather than my hurt feelings as much as possible, but sometimes the remembrance of past hurts colors my present living. So this subject, which I did not choose but was chosen for me, was of great interest.
I fully expected that my Bible study would show that God forgives and forgets our sins but we cannot forget. What I found is precisely the opposite and the reason for the rather provocative sermon title this morning.
Let’s start with some basic facts:
First, the word “forget” – encompasses so much more than some involuntary slippage of memory from our minds. Forget does mean that involuntary loss of memory, but in both the Hebrew of the Old Testament and the Greek of the New Testament and in modern English as defined by Webster’s Dictionary forgive also means to be oblivious to something. It means to fail to remember as we normally think of it, but it also means to choose not to pay attention to or ignore something. Forgetting can be a choice to simply neglect attending to something.
In the Old Testament the word forget is usually used in one of two ways. Sometimes the people are accusing God of forgetting them – of no longer paying attention to them or ignoring their needs. Psalm 44 would be an example of this: “Awake, O Lord! Why do you sleep? Rouse yourself! Do not reject us forever. Why do you hide your face and forget our misery and oppression?” (Psalm 44:23,24)
Other times, God, often through the prophets, admonishes the people for forgetting his grace and activity on their behalf. Amos prophesied to an entirely corrupt community. They are portrayed as cheaters, swindlers, and pagan worshippers; people who showed no mercy to the poor , widowed or orphaned. God, through Amos, declares the people will be judged for their unfaithfulness. And, God says, “I will never forget their sin.” Psalm 103 states that God casts our sins as far as the east if from the west, but never says God forgets. It says that we should never forget God’s incredible goodness and grace toward us.
Here we encounter our first problem. Didn’t we think that God forgets? Didn’t we think that “forgive and forget” appears in scripture somewhere? (It doesn’t) The problem with the idea that God forgets sin is that God is not only a God of mercy, he is also a God of justice. This is one of the very attributes of God that is praised in the same Psalm, Psalm 103, that I cited just a moment ago. God is just. Therefore sin has consequences. It’s a law, the way of the natural order that God created, that sin has consequences.
If my mother’s favorite vase slips out of my hand and falls to the floor it will likely break into many pieces. This is because of the law of gravity. The consequence is that this family heirloom that meant so much to my mother is now gone, irreplaceable. I feel bad. She feels bad.
If a drunk driver causes an accident that kills a young mother and her child, there will be much pain and grief caused by his actions. The consequence of his actions may include a trial, spending time in prison, losing his job, having to face the surviving husband and father in court. Regardless of how bad he feels or how repentant he may be, these are the consequences he will have to live with. These consequences result because taking a life is against the laws of both God and man.
God cannot forget our sins and still be a just God. If our sins were forgotten as well as forgiven there would be no need for redemption. There would have been no need for Christ’s death or resurrection. The Apostle Paul put it this way: “For the wages of sin is death but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.” (Romans 6:23)
Now we come to our second problem: We think it is impossible for us to forget wrongs done to us. The memory is always there, we say. But remember (no pun intended) that we are talking about more than simply losing the conscious memory of an event. The definition of “forget” makes it clear that “forgetting” is a matter of the will as well as a matter of the brain. So, I say we must be willing to forget the pain of the past. We must be willing to choose to set is aside and move forward AS IF the hurtful experience had not happened. WHY?
1. Our memories are not perfect. The greater the trauma the less likely we are to accurately remember what happened. That is why witnesses to traumatic events such as assaults, murders and the like make truly awful witnesses in the courts. As we are traumatized, time and details are distorted. The event may seem to drag on forever or it may seem that the whole event took place in the blink of an eye. Under traumatic stress we may go numb. We can’t process the overload to our senses that is taking place so mercifully we shut down, go numb and may experience traumatic amnesia about the event. Even when the event is not traumatic we just know our memories are typically not that good. One night this past week I couldn’t find my toothbrush. Not to worry, I found it the next morning, IN MY PURSE! Remember playing the game of “telephone” when you were little (describe) We cannot trust our memories to be accurate so it is a dangerous game we play when we hold a grudge against someone because of our perception and remembrance of the way they hurt us. We may be deceiving ourselves about the severity of the harm done.
2. When we become obsessed with past hurts we harm ourselves, our relationship with God and our relationship with others. Our spiritual, emotional and physical well-being are entwined. We are whole beings and what impacts one part of our being impacts all of our being. If we carry hurt, anger, resentment and the like it will poison us.
3. We are not God. It is not our place to judge. We are not all knowing. We don’t know what was in the heart and mind of the person who insulted or hurt us. We don’t know what motivated them or caused them the moment of weakness that led to their hurting us. We are not yet perfected in love and justice. Bottom line: WE ARE NOT GOD. It is not our place to keep account of their sin. We must remember our place. God is creator and Lord. We are the creatures. We must not presume to act as Lord and Judge.
Paul wrote about this kind of forgetting in his letter to the church at Philippi when he said: but one thing I do, forgetting the things which are behind, and stretching forward to the things which are before,
14 I press on toward the goal unto the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus.
15 Let us therefore, as many as are perfect, be thus minded.
So what does it look like –to forgive and forget? One story came to me over and over again this week. Let me share it with you. 12 year old Aaron went to spend the weekend at his dad’s house in a small Illinois town, not unlike Reinbeck or Grundy Center. His dad had become involved in the most wrong of the wrong crowd. Overnight his dad’s associates broke into the home. They hog tied and tortured Aaron and his dad for hours. They killed Aaron’s father. They stabbed Aaron in the back and left him for dead. Aaron survived. I met him in the hospital while he was recovering and doing physical therapy. Aaron’s injuries paralyzed him from the waist down. The expectation is that he will spend the rest of his life in a wheelchair.
Aaron will never forget what he experienced on that awful night when he was 12 years old. Those memories are forever imprinted on his brain. In fact, the most heart wrenching picture Aaron ever drew for me was of the evidence table in the courtroom where all but one of his attackers was tried (one was never captured ) Perhaps a dozen items lay on that table and Aaron told me how each one was used to injure and inflict pain on him or his father. Aaron did not seek revenge or harbor intent to personally settle the score with his attackers, however, he did participate in the meeting out of justice at the trial. Perhaps most importantly, Aaron was firm that this experience would not hold him back but rather he would look ahead with hope and dreams not unlike those of any other 12 year old boy. Aaron’s particular dream was to become the first wheel chair bound astronaut to travel into space.
A terrible trauma-the dispensing of justice – the lack of any desire for personal revenge – freedom from the past and the hope of the future. Aaron’s story is one of the very best illustrations of “forgive and forget” I can think of.
If a 12 year old boy who has endured what Aaron did in this spirit and with this much grace, then who are you to say you cannot?
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