Give up something bad for Lent #5

Give up something bad for Lent #5

March 17, 2013

RUMC

 

We have spent 5 weeks talking about some bad habits that might keep us from being the people God wants us to be. 

·        We have talked about habits of attitude like apathy and procrastination

·        We have talked about habits of the mouth like lying and evil speaking

·        We talked about what I'll call habits of the mind pointed outward at other people- the ones that come from your gut like anger, bitterness, and wrath.

·        We talked about habits of the mind pointed inward at ourselves like, distorted thinking, discouragement, and self-pity.

·        We talked about habits of the desires like envy, jealousy and greed.

·        Next week we will talk about the habit of the ego- pride. 

I know we have not hit every bad habit.  That would take a lifetime, but I have tried to cover the big categories: attitudes, mouth, mind, desires, the ego.  There is one more that I think we have to cover … the bad habit of the heart.  I am talking about LUST. 

Lust is a deep desire for something that is not yours.  Although one can lust for knowledge, money, or anything else, lust is commonly considered a sexual sin.

We don't preach about lust very much.  Maybe that's because in our sexually liberated society it has become the norm.  Perhaps it is because it makes us uncomfortable.  The Bible does not avoid the subject though.  The Bible has several stories of lust and the consequences of being controlled by sexual urges.

·        The most famous might be David and Bathsheba.  We could also name

·        Sodom and Gomorrah,

·        Lot and his daughters who had sex with him,

·        Potiphar's wife and Joseph,

·        Samson and his weakness for the ladies,

·        Solomon and his many wives and there are more.

 

The Bible does not teach that sexuality is bad.  On the contrary it teaches that from the very beginning God created us sexual beings and blessed us in our sexuality saying "be fruitful and multiply.[1]" Sexuality is a very good gift from God.  Like many other gifts, however, we are prone to abuse it.  Look at it this way…

·        Just because God gave us teeth doesn't mean it is OK to be a glutton.

·        Just because God gave us a tongue doesn't mean it is OK to lie.

·        Just because God gave us the ability to invent weapons doesn't mean it is OK to kill.

·        Just because God gave us eyes, doesn't make envy acceptable.

·        Just because God gave us sex organs, doesn't mean it is OK to use them indiscriminately.

One of the reasons so many people struggle with lust is that we live in a hyper-sexualized culture.  And that confuses people.

The story goes that when a preacher was getting ready to preach on lust he received a message on his answering machine.  It said, "Pastor, my wife and I are sitting outside the Church trying to decide whether or not to come to Church on Sunday.  The sign says you are preaching on Lust.  Is that a virtue or a vice?"

If we were just talking about confusion, it would be a little funnier.  The truth is that lust and sexual immorality is scary, because people are being hurt, the institution of marriage is crumbling, and lives are being destroyed.  Why the confusion?  I'll tell you…

·        When sex is used to sell everything in the world,

·         When sex is used to motivate,

·         and entice

·        and profit;

·        when sex is glorified in one scene and

·        cheapened in another, when it is

·        plastered all over the internet,

·        when we teach our children how to have safe sex- which translated means casual sex without commitment or consequences,

·        When we live in an "everything goes" and "we must be tolerant of everything" culture… no one knows what to think.

Let me tell you what the Bible thinks.  The Bible teaches that sex is only appropriate in the context of a committed and loving relationship called marriage.  I know that is unpopular, but that is all the more reason for me to say it.  I'll say it again.  Sex is only appropriate in the context of a committed and loving relationship called marriage. 

Lust is by definition outside the bonds of marriage.  It is destructive to our hearts, our relationships, our families and our culture.  That is why Jesus comes down so hard on Lust.  

In fact it seems like he goes a little too far, doesn't it?  Jesus says that lusting is just as bad as committing adultery.  That's a little extreme isn't it?

Well, let's back up and understand what is happening in the larger picture.

How can a thought be as bad as acting on it?  Because the action is only the last step in the sin- it is the one we can see, but a lot has to happen first.

That is where James comes in.  He explains that there is a process.  "One is tempted by one's own desire, being lured and enticed by it; then, when that desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin, and that sin, when it is fully grown, gives birth to death."  In other words every sinful action has its roots in a thought- since the thought leads to the sinful action, the thought is just as bad as the action. 

Do you notice that this is the same process what we have used to describe habits for several weeks?  Every habit is a process.  Trigger, behavior, reward.  .We can't attack just the behavior; we have to understand the trigger to which that bad habit is attached. 

James and Jesus are saying the same thing, we can't just attack sinful behavior.  We have to understand the triggers to which that behavior is attached.  We have to understand that sin does not start in our teeth, or our tongue, or our killing, or our private parts.  Sin starts in the mind with our thoughts and desires. 

That's what I have been teaching you about habits.[2]  

·        Whether you are trying to give up lust, which might be manifest in outright adultery, or in an obsession with a person with whom you are not married and certainly are not in love, or it might be an addiction to internet porn, or phone porn, or sexting.

·        Whether you are trying to give up lying,

·         or evil speaking,

·        or envy or

·        procrastination, or

·        anger, or

·        cussing or

·        smoking or

·        any other bad behavior… we have to

First, understand the trigger- what is happening just before we are tempted, or just before we backslide.

Second, we have to understand the reward.  What do you get out of that habit?  Do you remember that we spent two weeks trying to identify the triggers and rewards for the bad behaviors we want to give up?

Third, we talked about the golden rule of habit change: YOU CAN NEVER TRULY EXTINGUISH BAD HABITS.  RATHER, TO CHANGE A HABIT, YOU MUST KEEP THE OLD CUE, AND DELIVER THE OLD REWARD, BUT OVERLAY A NEW ROUTINE.[3]  Remember Tony Dungy? Find a new routine and practice it until it becomes a habit.

Today I want to add the 4^th and final key to giving up something bad for Lent.  (in Charles Duhig's words,) "For a habit to stay changed, people must believe change is possible.[4]"

We can identify the trigger.  We may be able to identify the reward.  We can dream up new action to lay over the top of the old action.  We can practice it until that new behavior becomes automatic.

But if you don't believe that real change is possible.  You'll soon be right back where you started.

·        If you are locked in to your habit and you can't see the light of day, you can't see that you could ever get out, you won't. 

·        If you are so bound by your bad behavior that you can't even imagine making a small change in your life, you won't. 

·         If you are so blinded to the damage you are doing to yourself and others, that you don't see the need for change, you won't. 

So, you think God believes we can change.  Absolutely. 

·        Repent means to change.  God is all about repentance.

·        Redemption means to change.  God is all about redemption.

·        Sanctification is all about change from that which is fleshly to that which is holy.  God is Holy and is all about making us holy too.

 

You can change.  Believe it, envision it, go for it.

·        Do you believe that God changed Abraham from a wandering misfit to the father of a great nation?  God is a god of change.

·        Do you believe that God led the people out and changed them from slaves to his chosen people.

·        Do you believe that God took a puny shepherd boy and turned him into a great king? 

·        Do you believe that God took stinky fishermen and turned them into disciples?

·        In the cross, humanity said, nothing can change here.  Nothing can change… in the empty tomb, God said "Oh yes it can."  And he proved it once and for all.  

God believes that you can change… how about you? 

I am not saying it is easy…but with God's help, you can do it.

A man who struggled with the temptations of lust made a commitment to God and a new way of life.  He soon found out that it is not easy to abandon the lusts of the flesh.  Several months later he ran into his minister who asked him, "How's it been going?"

"It's been going awful," the new convert replied.  "It's like two teams of horses pulling away at my soul.  One team is pulling in one direction trying to get me to do what God wants and the other team is pulling in the opposite direction trying to get me to do the wrong things."

His pastor asked, "Which team wins?"

The other fellow replied, "The one I say giddy up to!"

 

        To what are you saying "Giddy up?"

 

AMEN

 

---

[1] Genesis 1:28

[2] Duhigg, Charles (2012-02-28). The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do in Life and Business . Random House, Inc.. Kindle Edition. book.

 

[3] ibid

[4] ibid

Give up something bad for Lent #4

Give up something bad for Lent #4

RUMC

3/3/13

 

WHY DO THESE THINGS ALWAYS HAPPEN TO ME?

That's what Jacob was asking.  "YOU HAVE DEPRIVED ME OF MY CHILDREN, JOSEPH, AND SIMEON.  NOW YOU WANT TO TAKE BENJAMIN.  EVERYTHING IS AGAINST ME!"

 

Wait a minute.  Let's back up.  We started this story last week with the story of Jacob's favorite son, Joseph, and the fancy coat that Jacob gave to him.  Do you remember how envious the brothers were?  They were so jealous, that they threw him in a cistern and sold him into slavery, telling Jacob that his favorite son was dead.

13 years later, Joseph was in charge of all the grain bins in Egypt and started preparing for a great famine.  In the second year of the famine, things got so bad in Israel that Jacob sent his sons to Egypt to get grain so they would not starve.  What we read today is the report that the brothers brought back to Jacob and his response.

They tell Jacob that they found the guy in charge of the grain.  (They still didn't realize it was their brother Joseph)  He gave them grain to bring home so now everyone can eat.  They just have to make a trip back with little brother Benjamin to prove their identity and retrieve Simeon who was left as collateral.  About that time, they discover that the silver they had given the man in Egypt to pay for the grain had been placed back in their luggage.  In other words, he gave them the grain for free. 

We know that the truth is that God had been looking out for them. 

Jacob doesn't see it that way.  In fact, Jacob jumps to conclusions, and they are all negative.  He says,

·        "Why do these things always happen to me?"

·         I am hungry from famine, my sons have apparently stolen grain from Pharaoh,

·        Joseph is dead,

·        Simeon will probably die in Egypt,

·        And now they want to take Benjamin away from me Why me???

 Do you know Murphy's Law, "If anything can go wrong it will."  Jacob was a big believer in Murphy's Law, and Jacob's corollary is, and "whenever anything goes wrong, Jacob gets the short end of the stick."

 

You don't ever feel that way, do you?  Chances are you do sometimes. 

·        Call it pessimism,

·        Call it cynicism,

·        Call it negativity,

·        Call it gloominess. 

·        Call it what you want, but I call it negative thinking.

I figure I get to call it what I want because on this topic, I am an expert.  I don't know everything there is to know about the Bible or pastoral care.  I am not an expert on faith, but I am a world-class expert on negative thinking.  I am not bragging.  I am just being honest because I have been an avid practitioner for 37 years.  I know that if I could give up one bad thing that would make the most difference in my life, it would be my pattern of negative thinking.  However, it is hard.  I have been trying to reprogram my thought patterns for 20 of those 37 years now.  Unfortunately, most days I still can't say I am winning that battle. 

See if any of this sounds familiar:

·        You might be having a fine day, but one bad thing happens and in your head, the one bad thing just seems to cover up all the good.

·        Or when you imagine your future, do you imagine that everything has gone right, or that everything that can go wrong has?

·        Do you find yourself thinking phrases like "I always," or "She never?"  Always and never are pretty extreme aren't they?  And they are rarely accurate.

·        If someone doesn't return your phone call, do you assume that they forgot, or do you jump to the conclusion that they are mad at you or avoiding you?

·        If something goes wrong, is your first instinct to blame yourself.

Those are all classic examples of negative thinking.

Do you see it in Jacob?  >>>

·        As soon as he heard Simeon had been left in Egypt, he jumped to the conclusion that he was dead.

·        Jacob filtered out the fact that we would not starve now and moaned, "Joseph is dead.  Simeon is dead.  Everything is against me!"

·        Jacob said, "No.  You cannot take my son down there with you.  His brother, Joseph, is dead, and Benjamin is all I have left."  What about the nine sons standing in front of him?

There are two simple mental and Spiritual laws about our thoughts!

1.     The law of Concentration is simply: what you think about Proverbs 23:7, "For as he thinks in his heart, so is he."  If you think about it, if you concentrate on it, you will become it.  Think negatively and… well you know.

2.     The other law is the law of substitution: From Romans 12:2. "Be transformed by the renewing of your mind."  Change your mind and change your life.  If you replace those negative thoughts with positive ones, your life will be aimed in a different direction.  Think positively and, well you know.

This is exactly what we need to do with our habits whatever they are.  If you are trying to give up evil speaking, or lying, or envy or greed, or if you are trying to give up overeating, or cussing or whatever bad behavior you want to give up for Lent, the key is to replace the bad habits with good ones. 

Remember two weeks ago, we talked about what triggers your habitual behavior.

Last week we talked about the payoff for your bad behavior.  Did you identify the payoff?  It might not be as simple and obvious as you first thought, but if you can identify your payoff, you'll be a long way ahead in tackling the habit. 

This week I want to share with you the golden rule of habit change: YOU CAN NEVER TRULY EXTINGUISH BAD HABITS.  (THEY ARE PERMANENTLY HARD WIRED INTO OUR BRAINS.)  RATHER, TO CHANGE A HABIT, YOU MUST KEEP THE OLD CUE, AND DELIVER THE OLD REWARD, BUT INSERT A NEW ROUTINE.  Almost any behavior can be transformed if the cue and reward stay the same.  The Golden Rule has influenced treatments for alcoholism, obesity, obsessive-compulsive disorders, and hundreds of other destructive behaviors, and understanding it can help us change our habits too.

 

Let me give you an example. 

Tony Dungy, who set the record for the most consecutive playoff appearances by an NFL coach and became the first black coach to win the super bowl, understood triggers and rewards as he worked with his Indianapolis Colts. 

He knew that these experienced professional players had developed habits that kicked in when they played.  Many were good habits.  That's why they were in the NFL.  Others didn't serve them so well.  That's why they were stuck with the looser Colts rather than the Bears or a top end team. 

"Dungy's coaching strategy embodied (the) Golden Rule of habit change: keep the old cue, and deliver the old reward, but insert a new routine. 

Dungy spent hours and hours in practice developing habits that would work.  "When you see the lineman's foot pointing this way, this is what you do.  Now practice that until it is automatic."  "  When you see the quarterback look this way, this is what you do.  Now practice that until it becomes automatic."

Would you believe, it worked?  On February 4, 2007, Dungy and the Colts won Super Bowl 41, 29–17 over the Bears.  They did it by using the golden rule of habit change: substituting productive habits for less productive ones.

 

It also works in Alcoholics Anonymous.  AA doesn't attack the neurology or biochemistry of addiction.  AA works because they try to develop new habitual actions.  They say "Go to 99 meetings in 99 days" start a new habit.  They say, "Instead of reaching for the bottle reach for the phone and call your sponsor."  Start a new habit.  And it works!  For millions of people at the end of their ropes, it works. 

 

If it works for the Indianapolis Colts, if it works for hard-core alcoholics, it will work for you too.  What do you need to do?  Look at your trigger and look at your reward.  Ask yourself what alternative behavior can I initiate when the trigger happens- that will produce the same reward?

·        Say you want to break the habit of eating a donut in the middle of the morning.  Maybe the trigger is 9:30 on the clock.  The reward is an opportunity to stretch and move about for a few minutes before you hunch over your computer for another 2 hours.  As long as the donut is not the reward, you can substitute anything that will give you the opportunity to gain the reward, in this case- to get up and stretch.  Take a walk, eat a carrot, or spend a few minutes visiting with a co-worker.  Just develop that new habit on top of the old.

·        Say your habit is cussing.  The trigger is frustration; the reward is intimidating others to get your own way.  Instead of flying off the handle, substitute a simple question.  "Why do you think your idea is better?"  That gives you time to answer the same question.  Then together you can come up with the best plan.

·        If the habit is playing video games, the trigger might be sitting at the computer without a specific task to do like email or on line banking.  The reward is mental stimulation.  Couldn't you decide to plan something stimulating to do after your computer chores?  Plan to read a book or go for a walk or heaven forbid, spend time in devotions.  Then do it.  Pretty quick, you have a new habit.

 

See how that works?  It's not very complicated.  Keep the trigger, keep the reward, and substitute a new behavior.  Remember, however, what we have been saying every week.  If you could have done this by yourself… what is it???<You already would have done it>>

So don't try to do it alone.  Offer your old habit to God.  Offer your new habit to God.  And pray for God's help.   

That's the good news.  As Christians our lives are not our own.  We are not alone in trying to fight our bad habits and develop new ones.  Romans 12:2 gives us the reminder and assurance we need.

Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your minds.

Do not be conformed to (the habits of) this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your minds.

Do not be conformed to (the bad behaviors of) this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your minds.

By the power of God, by the transformative power of the holy spirit in your lives Be transformed by the renewing of your minds.

Give up something bad for lent #2 (Something bad coming from our mouths)

Give up something bad for lent #2 (Something bad coming from our mouths)

RUMC 2/17/2013

 

Ellen was a Junior in High School, an honor student, a member of the band, and secretary of her class.  Her life was beautiful, her future bright; but then, everything went wrong.  James More writes about her in GIVE UP SOMETHING BAD FOR LENT, "I was called on to conduct her funeral on what would have been her 17^th birthday.  It was suicide.  In the depths of depression, she had taken an overdose of sleeping pills.  She left a note saying that she couldn't go on.  She couldn't fight the rumors and rejection any longer.  She felt betrayed by her friends and her community.  It was all so sad, so useless, and such a waste.  This tragic teenage suicide was sparked by a misunderstanding, which became a false rumor, which was spread as vicious gossip by ordinary people like you and me passing on a cruel destructive untruth.

The rumor was that she had come home at daylight in a drunken stupor, her clothes disheveled, delivered to her door by an older man in a fancy sports car.  That was the rumor.  The truth was, that she had sat up all night at the hospital with her gravely ill grandmother and had been brought home by her uncle.  That was the truth!

You know how it happens.  A neighbor saw something out her kitchen window, jumped to the wrong conclusions, and then started spreading a false rumor.  As a result, an innocent teenager was devastated.  The harsh stares, the cruel jokes, the profane wisecracks, the vicious gossip, the whispering behind her back, the pointed fingers, and the blatant lies became too much for Ellen.  Her fragile, sensitive personality couldn't take it.  She cracked under the pressure, and in a moment of deep agony and excruciating pain, she took her life.  A young woman with so much promise, so much potential, and so many gifts snuffed out because people like you and me participated in spreading false rumors.  When will we ever learn?[1]

 

Thank goodness that is not a local Reinbeck story,  but it could be.  I'll bet you don't have to think very hard to remember the last time you heard a rumor, something condemning, some harsh words, a cruel joke or a thinly veiled innuendo about someone in the community. I am under no illusion that we are immune, I'll bet some of you have heard something like that this morning, right here in this building.  It stands to reason if some of you heard it, someone else spoke it.

Oh I am sure you had good intentions.  You were concerned about them.  You wanted to see if what you heard was true.  You might have even offered it as a prayer concern.  You know out of Christian love…It doesn't matter what your intentions were. Jesus says "Do not judge, so that you may not be judged." [2] That wasn't a suggestion or a proposal.  That wasn't a guideline or an idea.  That wasn't a request  or a plea.  "Do not judge" is flat out a strong command.  There is no beating around the bush.  Jesus is pushing us right back to the golden rule  "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you".[3]   He is driving us into a corner with the  great commandment "Love your neighbor,as you love yourself."[4]  Essentially he is saying if your words are not loving and you wouldn't want someone to say that about you… don't even think them and for heaven's sake don't speak them.

James  understands the problem in what I think is the most colorful passage about the problems our words cause.  He says "every species of beast and bird, of reptile and sea creature, can be tamed and has been tamed by the human species, but no one can tame the tongue—a restless evil, full of deadly poison."[5] 

If we are going to give up something for Lent, why give up sweet chocolate, when we can give up the deadly poison that is gossip, rumors and evil speaking?

The same is true for lying.  You have all heard "honesty is the best policy".  Well it is not just good policy.  It is a commandment.  Number nine on God's top ten list. "Do not lie."[6]   Now I know you and most of you are not big liars.  But I'll bet you don't have to think very hard to come up with something you just didn't mention so that you wouldn't be in trouble.  I'll bet you don't have to think back too far to think about a time that you might have stretched the truth to make yourself look better… FISHERMEN!

A minister told his congregation, "Next week I plan to preach about the sin of lying. To help you understand my sermon, I want you all to read Mark 17."

The following Sunday, as he prepared to deliver his sermon, the minister asked for a show of hands.  He wanted to know how many had read Mark 17. Every hand went up.  The minister smiled and said, "Mark has only sixteen chapters. I will now proceed with my sermon on the sin of lying."

Are our lies whoppers?  Most are not. They are, however, lies and as James says, "How great a forest is set ablaze by a small fire!"^[7]   And every time you try to blow it out, it just keeps getting bigger and bigger doesn't it?

Lying is just as bad as evil speaking.  If you see yourself in any of this, this would be something bad that you could give up for Lent. As your friend and neighbor, it would sure make me feel a lot safer if you did.

 

But how do you do it?  Whether your sin or bad habit is gossiping and lying, or gluttony, or discouragement, or jealousy, or any of these other bad things that you want to give up it is hard.  You might think it would be easy to get rid of these bad things.  It is not.  Because they have become a habit.

Habits are important.  They are critical to our survival.  Can you imagine having to intentionally decide for instance every little motion when you are brushing your teeth?  Can you imagine having to decide every day, "Now am I going to tie my right shoe first, or my left."  We don't have to make that decision because we have developed a habit.  Habits keep us from overloading our brain with a zillion details of daily living, so our brains can do bigger and better things.

And habits are more deeply ingrained than even the memory.  We learned this from a  man named Eugene.  Sadly, Eugene had an infection in his brain that took away his memory.  His memory was so bad he didn't remember his wife or children.  He couldn't remember where he lived or tell you where the bathroom was in his house. 

But when he had to go to the bathroom he got up and went with no problem.  It was a habit.  He couldn't tell you where the kitchen was, but when he wanted a snack he could get up walk to the correct cupboard in the kitchen and get his favorite snack, salted peanuts.

I know, it sounds strange, but even though his memory was shot, his habits were still intact.  As long as he could operate on habit, he could function fairly well in life.  He would even cook himself bacon an eggs for breakfast.  And then he would forget that he had eaten and he would cook himself more bacon and eggs for breakfast. [8]

            All of that is to say habits are buried deep in our minds. That is why we have such a hard time breaking them.  Hard, but not impossible.  Basically what I am asking you to do this Lent is break some bad habit.  Each of these things up here is a habit that can be changed.  So how do you go about breaking a habit.  I am reading a very interesting book by Charles Duhig called THE POWER OF HABIT[9]. He goes through all the neuropsychological research and concludes that there is a habit cycle.  It starts with a trigger, or he calls it a cue. 

In Eugene's story, his cue for eating breakfast was the sun shining through the kitchen window.  As long as the sun was shining through the kitchen window his habit kicked in and he made bacon and eggs for breakfast… 3 or 4 times a day.

What is the cue that causes your habit of gossip to kick in?  Is it when you see a favorite gossip partner?  Is it when you sit down at the corner Café or walk into Caseys?  Is it when you talk with neighbors over the fence?  Just think about what is happening just before you gossip.

What is the cue for your lying?  Is it that you feel unimportant, or embarrassed, or afraid of what others will think if they know the truth?  What is happening just before you lie?  What is your trigger for lying?

Ask yourself that question no matter what your habit is.  No matter what bad habit you are trying to give up for Lent, ask yourself what is happening just before I backslide into that habit again?  What is your cue?

If it is Gluttony, perhaps it is watching TV.  Sit down to watch TV, and you have to have that ice cream.

If it is negative thinking, you need to know that if there is no trigger you may be suffering from depression.  But if you are not depressed, what is happening just before you think, "I just know this is going to be a disaster."

What is the cue that causes you to start feeling sorry for yourself?  What is the cue that causes you to fall back into your habit?  What is happening just before you backslide into your habit?  That may be your trigger.

 

You all have index cards again this week.  If you were not here last week, you should have written the bad thing you want to give up for Lent on the index card.  Sealed it in the envelope, and placed it in the offering plate.  It should be up here.

Now for the index card I gave you today.  Stick it in your shirt pocket, your purse, your wallet, somewhere safe that you can get to it all week. Whenever you slip back into your bad habit, or whenever you have the urge to slip back into your bad habit, or whenever you think this is when I would usually________.  Write a note on the card.  You might just put the time and write a note later, or something.  But write a little note of what was happening when you were tempted. 

·         Talking to my friend. 

·         Watching the food channel. 

·         Surfing the internet.

·          I felt lonely.

·         I got in the car

·          I was afraid. 

·         I got nervous.

·         I got home from work.

·         I got upsetting news.

·         I got a cup of coffee.

 

Whatever it is, write it down and look for patterns.  Look for the common thread that runs through all of the times you were tempted.  They might not all fit the pattern, but this should give you a pretty good idea of what your trigger is.  What causes you to  be tempted?  What causes you to be weakened, even though you have good intentions?  What situations are hardest for you?

That is your homework for the week.  And next week I am going to ask you if just knowing the trigger might have helped you make any progress giving up something bad for Lent, (Because even that knowledge might make a difference.)  We will talk about another type of bad habit that you might struggle with, and we will talk about the next step- what to do with the information you are collecting about your habit triggers.

 

In conclusion I want to make the  connection between what we are trying to do-- give up something bad for Lent-- and AA.  Fundamentally alcoholism is a habit.  Yes, there is a physical and biological component to alcohol addiction, but there is also a huge psychological and behavioral component (otherwise AA would not help anyone.)  That psychological and behavioral component can be described as a habit with triggers, just like any other habit.

So the AA 12 steps are relevant to our project of giving up something bad for Lent.  You might be familiar with the traditional 12 steps.  Whether you are or not, I want to share with you a version of the 12 steps written by a Rabbi. [10] I chose these because they are about as frank and simple as they can be.  You'll find them in your bulletin.

1.      There is a power that will kill me.

2.      There's a power that wants me to live.

3.      Which do I want?  (If you want to live, go on)

4.      Using examples from your own life, understand that selfishness, dishonesty, resentment, and fear control your actions

5.      Tell your private, embarrassing secret to another person.(ADMIT IT TO YOURSELF TOO)

6.      Decide whether or not you want to live that way any more.

7.      If you want to change, ask a Power greater than yourself to change it for you. (If you could have changed it yourself, you would have long ago)

I want to stop there, because that is as far as we are in the process.  And it is a turning point.  If you could have given up this bad thing on your own you would have done it long ago you?  So you have to ask God to help you.  Let's ask God right now.

 

O God, you make us with free will and responsibility and we screw it up.  Way too often we abuse our free will and shirk our responsibility.  Forgive us.  Make us new. Free us from the prison we have built for ourselves with these bad habits.  Only you have the key, and we know that you want to give it to us. We open our hands now.  Place the key to freedom in our hands.  Help us to live as the free and redeemed people we are in your eyes.  O miraculous God,  change our hearts we pray.  AMEN

Change our hearts O God… The Faith We Sing

---

[1] GIVE UP SOMETHING BAD FOR LENT, James W. Moore; Abindgon 2012.pp21-22

[2] Matthew 7:1

[3] Matthew 7:12, see also Luke 6:31

[4]  Leviticus 19:18

[5] James 3:7

[6] Exodus 20:16

[7] James 3:5

[8] THE POWER OF HABIT Charled Duhig Chapter 2

[9] THE POWER OF HABIT Charled Duhig, Random House, 2012

·         [10] Rabbi Shais Taub (God of our understanding--Jewish spirituality and Recovery from Addiction):

A VERSION OF THE 12 STEPS TO RECOVERY

1.      There is a power that will kill me.

2.      There's a power that wants me to live.

3.      Which do I want?  (If you want to live, go on)

4.      Using examples from your own life, understand that selfishness, dishonesty, resentment, and fear control your actions

5.      Tell your private, embarrassing secret to another person.(OF COURSE YOU HAVE TO ADMIT IT TO YOURSELF FIRST! )[1]

6.      Decide whether or not you want to live that way any more.

7.      If you want to change, ask a Power greater than yourself to change it for you. (If you could have changed it yourself, you would have long ago)

8.      Figure out how to make right all the things you did wrong.

9.      Fix what you can without causing more trouble in the process.

10.  Understand that making mistakes is a part of being human. (When you make a mistake, fix it immediately if you can)

11.  Ask for help to treat yourself and others like you the way you want your Higher Power to treat you.

12.  Don't stop doing 1 through 11, and pass it on.

----------------------------------

·         Rabbi Shais Taub (God of our understanding--Jewish spirituality and Recovery from Addiction):

---

[1] ADDENDUM BY TERRY

 

Give up something bad for Lent #1

Give up something bad for Lent #1

2/10/13

RUMC

 

Isn't that a great story? Jesus is on the mountain with a couple of disciples.  Suddenly his face is transfigured and his clothes become dazzling white. What an experience it must have been. What an honor it would have been to be allowed to witness this great Epiphany.

To tell you the truth, though, I'm glad I wasn't there.  I would have felt honored, but oh so unworthy. So undeserving of being in such magnificence. So pitiful next to Jesus' glory. Next to the dazzling purity of Jesus, my life is not just dingy; it is torn, and stained, and just plain shabby.

That's not the purpose of the story, but that is the effect isn't it? Maybe that's one reason the church year places Transfiguration Sunday just before Lent. It is kind of like a mirror into which we would rather not look.

 

Lent, however, is the time to courageously look in that mirror, stand in the presence of God, and face our true selves. So that is what we are going to do together this Lent.

Traditionally Christians ever since the 4^th century have given up something for lent as a sign of their penitence. In other words, as a sign that they know they are sinners and they are sorry. Early on, it was meat to one degree or another. Different traditions banned

·        red meats,

·         or all meats,

·         or even meat products like eggs and

·        some traditions had particularly severe restrictions like only eating bread for Lent.

·        Fasting became part of the Lenten tradition.

Of late, in our self-indulgent society, giving up something for lent has almost become a joke.

·        I once heard someone say, "I am giving up self control, abstinence, and sobriety for Lent."

·        I have heard of people giving up space travel, or

·        perfection for Lent.

Others more genuinely give up chocolate, soda, or TV. That's OK, I suppose, if you fill that void with a spiritual discipline, like praying instead of watching TV, or reading scripture every time you crave chocolate. That's why for the last few years I have been teaching that we should take on something NEW for Lent. Perhaps dedicate ourselves to prayer, scripture reading, service, or sacrificial giving.

 

This year I have a different perspective.

James W Moore came out with a little Lenten study book this year that he called "Give up something bad for Lent." That idea changed the way I look at Lent. Why do people give up things that are fairly innocuous for Lent? Sure, we could all do with a little less sugar in our lives, or a little less fat in our diets, but we should be following a reasonable diet all year, not just for 7 weeks. If we are going to give up something, why not give us something that really harms us?

 

Maybe you have a habit that really harms you. The common ones would be drinking too much, smoking, excessive gambling, or hanging out on porn sites. Frankly, any time is a good time to give up those harmful habits. By all means, start today.

I have in mind, however, some things that harm us in a different way.

·        Why would we give up chocolate for Lent when spiritually speaking anger does a lot more damage?

·        Why would we give up meat for Lent when jealousy is a much greater danger than cholesterol?

·        Why would we give up soda for Lent, when our own negative thinking is making us chronically unhappy?

·        If we are going to give up something for Lent, let's make it discouragement,

o    or pettiness, or

o   bitterness or

o   resentment, or something else that is destroying your life.

 

Jesus says, "If you want to follow me, deny yourself, take up your cross, and follow me." Deny- what… chocolate? NO, deny YOURSELF. Stop doing the things that separate you from God. Stop giving in to those things that destroy who God wants you to be.

Even more graphically, in Mark, Jesus says, "If your hand causes you to sin, chop it off. If your foot causes you to stumble, cut it off. If your eye causes you to sin, poke it out." Tear it out, cut it off, throw it away.

·        If smoking is destroying your lungs, cut yourself off.

·        If drinking is destroying your family, throw the bottle away.

·        If gambling is jeopardizing your future, stop gambling.

·        If there is a relationship that is breaking up your marriage, break off the relationship.

Just like a surgeon- cut out the stuff that is making you sick and get rid of it.

Maybe you are feeling pretty good, because you don't have any of those destructive habits. ..

·        What about judgment…constantly huffing and puffing about what someone else does will destroy you as surely as smoking.

·        Pettiness can destroy your family just as quickly as the bottle.

·        Procrastination can wreak your future as fast as gambling.

·        Jealousy will wreak your marriage just as fast as an affair.

I'm right aren't I? You know I am. I know there is something… maybe more than one something that you really need to pluck out and throw into the ocean this Lent. There is something in each of our lives, maybe it's up on the screen maybe it isn't, but I am 110% sure that every one of us has some sin in our lives, some brokenness, some weakness, some habit, that not only can we live without, we can live for Jesus a lot better without it.

 

What is stopping you? Let me take a guess. I am going to say either apathy or procrastination.

Apathy says,

·        "I've always been like this…  I get along pretty well wallowing in self pity, so I'm fine thank you very much."  Apathy says,

·        "you know what?…  I kind of like my stuff. So I'm good with greed, I think I'll just hang on to that." Apathy says,

·         "It's your fault that I chronically blame all my problems on others."  Apathy says,

·        "She gets to keep her jealousy."

Let me tell you, in Revelation 3:16 God has John write these words," Because you are lukewarm, and neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of my mouth."  Neither hot, nor cold- that's apathy right there.  There is no such thing as following Jesus half way. You can't live with one foot on the shore and one in the boat of faith. Like the rich young ruler, you either completely sell out for Jesus, or you go away unhappy, because there is no kingdom for part time Christians. Do not let apathy or lukewarmness rob you of the joy of the kingdom by convincing you that your sin is OK; by convincing you that you CAN'T change anyway; by convincing you that YOU don't need to change.  Don't sell out to apathy.

 

Procrastination is no better than apathy. Proverbs calls those who put off what needs to be done "sluggards." Luke 9 says, "He said, 'Lord, let me first go and bury my father.' And Jesus said to him, 'Leave the dead to bury their own dead. But as for you, go and proclaim the kingdom of God.' Yet another said, 'I will follow you, Lord, but let me first say farewell to those at my home.' Jesus said to him, 'No one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for the kingdom of God.' " Those are hard sayings but what Jesus is saying is that NOW is the time to act. Not tomorrow, or when it is convenient, or when you feel ready. But NOW.

Procrastination or dragging your feet, is bad when paying your bills or checking out that medical problem… it is DEADLY in our spiritual lives.  Do not be paralyzed by Procrastination.

 

Giving up a judgmental attitude, or jealousy, or gluttony, or resentment won't be easy. I'm not saying it will.  I'm not saying that you will be free of it by Easter. I cannot even guarantee that next year you won't be trying to give up the same bad thing. I know I might be.

What I am saying is that if you let apathy and procrastination take control right now I can absolutely 100% guarantee that your judgmental attitude, or jealousy, or gluttony, or resentment won't go away by itself. And I guarantee that they will continue to gnaw away at your heart and keep you away from Jesus.

It won't be easy, but

·        keep coming back and each week.  Each Sunday we will

·        talk about a different kind of problem like these on the screen, we'll

·        strategize together how we can give them up, and we'll

·        encourage and support each other in giving up something bad for Lent.

So, NOW is the time.  This is the day.  Lent starts on Wednesday and if we're going to do this, now is the time to start. What bad thing will you give up for Lent? What destructive habit are you going to do without?

Keep thinking about that while the ushers pass out papers and envelopes.  When you have

·        decided what bad thing you will give up for lent,

·        write it on the paper,

·        seal it tightly in the envelope, and

·        put your name on it. I guarantee you that no one in the world besides you will ever see it.  I will keep them and we will pray over them each week, and you'll get it back still sealed later on.

·        After the communion prayer, when you are ready,

·        bring your envelope up with you for communion,

·        leave it  in a basket offering your intention to God,

·        seal your Lenten discipline with communion and  

·        ask God to be in you and to walk with you and to change your heart.